


Dilate

by nextboldmove



Series: Worthy [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BDSM, Dreams, Explicit Sex, Flashbacks, Force Sex, Hux Backstory, Lots of Sex, M/M, Torture, ben solo and poe dameron were teenage sweethearts, companion fic, dom!hux, lots of nasty stuff in here, lots of story, sub!Ren, then snoke happened, this is all the tags you get because i hate tagging crap, underage consensual sex as teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-06-04 09:25:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6652267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nextboldmove/pseuds/nextboldmove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The destruction of Starkiller Base was so much more than the loss of a weapon. It was a door being opened. A door to the past and a door to the future. The two places Kylo Ren has spent the last fourteen years running from. With guidance from the Supreme Leader and General Hux by his side, Ren navigates through his past as he attempts to determine the path of the Knights of Ren and the destruction of the Resistance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [linatrinch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/linatrinch/gifts).



> This is a companion fic to Worthy, which tells the story of Poe Dameron/Finn that takes place after TFA. This is a lot of that same stuff from Kylo's POV and tells the alternate story. You can read this as a stand alone, but even if you read Worthy and don't like Kylux you may like this actually. I hope you do.
> 
> Worthy: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5629843/chapters/12967981

Doesn’t Hux understand the significance of their failures? That little man tells him to ‘just shut up’ and lay down, stop fighting the physicians as they try to remove his clothing and tend to his wounds. Ren can feel Hux staring at the disorder of the room and knows he is swimming with tension without having to reach into his mind to find it. He isn’t allowed to reach there, and he has not broken that rule in a very, very long time. Not that he could right now, the Force is weak in him as his body screams to relieve this pain and heal.

“Hux…” he pants, ever steeling his body against the pain coursing through it with an intensity that the Force cannot get ahead of. Ren never dares to call him anything but ‘General’ around others, but the pain has clogged up his mental filter. He needs and he needs Hux.

“Ren.” Hux replies on a deep but shaky breath. “I must go see to the mission parameters.”

Kylo Ren bites his lip when he hears Hux’s boots clicking hurriedly out of the room. It’s been a very long time since Ren has heard his voice waver outside of their quarters. The layers of his clothing end up cut from his skin, falling to the floor in tattered shreds. The cool air of the room hits his skin, damped by the melting snow, his sweat and blood. Needles press into his flesh, fluids enter his body and swim with the rest of his agony. A medical officer begins to apply a blue gel to his face and shoulder wounds while another works with a droid to assess the significance of the bowcaster injury to his side. He lets his head lay flat against the medical table, knowing he will not able to run after Hux and demand an explanation in his favor this time.

He feels his eyelids grow heavy until he can no longer fight them, fearing what could transpire while they are closed.

~

“Ben Solo, you are asked to greet a visitor in Master Skywalker’s quarters.”

“Meet you in the woods later?” Ben leans over the table, whispering to his small group of cohorts before standing and following the squire down the hall.

His dark brown robes swoosh around his feet as he walks. They are a little awkward due to him having to add length to them himself. He likes when the touch the ground and hide his body when he’s positioned just right. They make him feel even bigger than his 15-year-old frame already is. Ben knows that his uncle is going to give him another ‘talk’ about spending too much time in the woods in meditation and forgoing participation in studies with the rest of the padawans and younglings. Ben is the strongest of the soon-to-be Jedi. He is a Skywalker and it’s insulting that he is expected to follow in his uncle’s passive footsteps. What else is such power good for than for battle? Not for meditating at the base of Force-sensitive trees with little children who get excited when they can lift a pebble with their minds.

When they arrive, he waits until the squire leaves before bursting through the double doors into Master Luke’s sparsely decorated sitting room to find his father standing in the middle of the room. He smiles at him and it sends shivers of annoyance through his body. This man had so much potential and it went wasted. He came to tell Ben about every single mistake he made, all the while taking Luke’s side on every point, every debate and every punishment given. Ben wanted to scream at him but he knew that Master Luke would have some mundane punishment for the act and he needed to meet his cohorts in the woods.

“Ben,” Han Solo says.

“Where’s mother?” Ben asks harshly, standing in the open doorway and letting his robes cascade to the floor, internally proud of the slight falter in his father’s eyes at his appearance.

“She had an important vote…”

“And she couldn’t be bothered.” Ben reaches up to move his long dark hair from his face, tightening his lips.

“It was up for a veto, she promised she would come next month. Look, Luke said I could take you off-world for the day. I was thinking we could get some of that cake…”

“I should focus on my meditation,” he interrupts. “That’s what you are here about, isn’t it? He sent you a hologram about my poor attendance.”

“Alright, I was going to wait until the end of the day but Luke is worried about you. So am I, and your mother.”

“Is this about him being all upset that I don’t agree with his vision for the Jedi? Or that I skip out on his stupid lessons?” Ben turns around, preparing to leave.

“He sees such potential in you, son. We all do. But I totally get it, you aren’t sure you want this. When I met Luke I was just making money hauling a bunch of fugitives to Alderaan. Then I ended up a General in a war that brought down the Empire. I didn’t want it, didn’t ask for it. But it ended up being my destiny. If you can’t find the destiny in your life here, then come home.”

He turns and looks at his father, taken aback at his words. He recalls being scared of being a Jedi when he was younger, nights spent crying in his room when he missed his mother and father and his best friend. “How many times I asked you to let me come home. How many times you told me to stay.”

“Your mother thought this would be best, but you need to make that choice for yourself. If you don’t want to be a Jedi, then come home. I’ll explain it to Luke, I’ll take your mother’s wrath like I’ve done a million times before. Just come home, Ben.” His father smiles at him. “If that’s what you want.”

He approaches his father and considers the offer. If they weren’t so close to the final assault, the destruction of the Jedi, Ben might just follow his father onto the Millennium Falcon and go home. He approaches him, holds his hand out for a moment before withdrawing it.

“I’ve come too far, I’m so close to being the greatest Jedi that has ever been. I should stay. I want to stay.”

His father puts his hands on his hips. “If you are sure…”

“I’m sure. Now tell Uncle Luke that he should stop trying to force me to be his version of a Jedi and let me come into my own. I’m going to stay. You should go home.”

Ben leaves before he can hear his father’s reply.

~

When Ren wakes, the bay is quiet except for the sound of the computer monitoring his bodily functions and Hux’s breathing from a chair at the foot of his bed. Not so much as a medical droid is in the bay, indicating that Hux ordered them out. He sits up, testing his ability by using his power to raise the adjustable back of the bed and failing miserably. Still too weakened by his injuries. He slams his hand down into the sheet covering his body and groans at the frustration. Meanwhile, Hux sits in his chair and watches him play with the Force in frustratingly small increments; lifting a data pad off the table next to him a few inches into the air, pulling his blanket tighter to his chest, making a sign across the room tremble against the wall its affixed to.

“Are you quite done?” Hux asks, his even-keel speech having returned.

“It’s the medication,” Ren bluffs, feeling his body ache from the attempts to show his power is intact. “In a few days I will be at full strength.”

“Starkiller Base was destroyed,” Hux says, dismissing Ren’s assertion. “Reports are that the Millennium Falcon made it out of orbit before the implosion.”

“She’s aboard, perhaps the Traitor is as well,” he manages to choke out, wincing from the stinging pull of the wound on his face as his mouth moves and pulls the vulnerable and weak flesh in multiple directions. “He is harder to sense, but her…I can still tell.”

“She troubles you.”

“She is strong. There is much potential to be had. She could be my apprentice, a great asset.”

“Can you feel Han Solo?” Hux is clearly done with discussing the girl as his flinching gaze shifts away with his words.

“Han Solo is dead.”

“Certainly?”

Ren sits up a little more, body protesting, and locks eyes with the General. “I drove my lightsaber through his body and pushed him into the exhaust shaft.”

Hux’s lips curl at the ends into what could be mistaken for a smile. “Congratulations.”

He slumps back into his bed, feeling his own mouth betray him by mimicking Hux’s reaction. Ren always enjoys pleasing him, if only because it is so difficult to do and he tends to be rewarded for it. He almost thanks his General. Almost. “What is our mission now?”

“We are to report directly to Supreme Leader Snoke,” Hux stands, turning and walking to Ren’s side at the end of the bed. “You are to finish your training, after you recover.”

“What are your orders?” Ren asks, feeling a tight heat in the air between him and Hux. It’s familiar, comforting now in his current state. It’s like a drink that clings to the roof of his mouth no matter how much he swallows.

“I will rebuild the First Order’s losses,” Hux bows his head slightly, avoiding Ren’s eyes. It’s a gesture that he has not seen often out in the open and he knows it means that he is upset and unsure. It’s this look that makes Ren want to break the rules set forth by his General and reach into his mind and calm him. “The Resistance lost much more than we did, they cannot begin to recoup those as fast as we can.”

“When am I permitted to file my report?” Ren busies his hands from engaging in a more brazen gesture by balling his sheets into their fists. He hopes his real question wasn’t left hanging between them, their little code so benign it could easily be forgotten.

“When you are released from this bed you can report to my station.” Hux looks at him again with that familiar glint, having clutched the question and responded.

Hux leans down and kisses Kylo on his lips, gently and with little pressure in an obvious attempt to avoid further injury to his face. Getting greedy, he reaches a hand to the back of Hux’s neck to pull him closer and deepen it. He figures he deserves it, nearly dying and killing Han Solo. His chest flutters when Hux permits it, opening his mouth and letting Ren lick the roof of his mouth. He indulges him a few moments longer, reaching a gloved hand up into his hair and pulling at it just slightly, just enough to remind Ren of his place. After the kiss ends, he hovers over him for a moment, breathing onto his cheek. “I’m fortunate to have found you, Ren.”

“Why is that, Hux?” he gasps back, so desperate for more physical connection. Something to ground him, bring him back to his body and his Force and his life. His reality is not weakened in a medical bay but standing proud and tall on the bridge. Or on his knees following commands from his General.

“I fear I would have missed you.”

Watching General Hux turn and leave the medical bay, great coat swishing through the air behind him, brings Ren a sense of order and routine. In the last fourteen years, it’s a scene all too familiar for him. Watching Hux leave has punctuated every mission, every midnight encounter, and every private conversation they have had since Ren felled the Jedi and established his Knights under Leader Snoke’s tutelage. While Ren misses the previously tender and exploratory nature of their contact, the connections as youth, it is the one forged in war and hierarchy that he finds comforting. It signifies that things are to continue on.

He settles his head on the pillow and closes his eyes, feeling at ease with the normalcy of routine.

~

Kylo Ren paces around the chair and its occupant. Those tendrils of the Light Side he works so hard to tame begin to swirl around her possessively as if to protect her. He clenches and opens his fists repeatedly, angry at his lack of control. On the surface of Takodana he could feel her fear. Not in the way he tells others he can, no, that’s merely deducing the emotions of others based on subtle expressions and the pace of breath. He felt hers as if it was his own. It was unlike any connection he had ever felt before with anyone and it scared him. The vulnerability it opened within him scared him. So he affixed his helmet over his head and kneeled on the floor beside The Table. Kylo Ren waits for the Scavenger to wake up so he could be in control again, no longer a whim to her untrained Force trying to pull him to the Light.

She jolts awake with a fright, rattling at her restraints only momentarily before looking ahead at him. He feels her eyes bore into his mask as her jaw trembles for a brief moment.

“Where am I?” Her voice is soft but stern. Familiar.

Ren scoffs, feeling unprepared for her demeanor. “You’re my guest.”

“Where are the others?” Even, clear, sure of what she wants to ask. Unfaltering.

“You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends? You’ll be relieved to hear I have no idea.” He pauses, finding her consistent expression unnerving. “You still want to kill me.”

“That happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.”

Lifting his hands to either side of his helmet, he uses a thumb to activate the face plate switch and lifts it off, standing and revealing his height. His lip curls up almost imperceptibly, something Ren has learned from watching General Hux do the same to him over the years. He watches her eyes scrunch slightly. She takes a quick deep breath and huffs quietly, her eyes darting around his body to search for something. Meaning? A weapon? A weakness? Kylo Ren is not weak and she fails to find whatever she thinks she’s looking for.

Slamming the helmet down into the ashes atop The Table, he makes his way over before her without ever breaking her gaze. When he reaches his place before her, she turns to look straight ahead, eyes darting to meet his only briefly in an attempt to read what is about to happen. Ren stands there resolute against her and against the swirling Light leeching out of him, around her and back again. It makes him want to scream, but he cannot risk being perceived as faltering. Not now. He has worked for fourteen years to destroy Luke Skywalker and he isn’t about to let this girl stand in his way.

“Tell me about the droid.”

“He’s a BB unit with a selenium drive and thermal hyperscan vindicator…”

“Carrying a section of a navigational chart. And we have the rest, recovered from the archives of The Empire but we need the last piece and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you.” He pauses, noticing the tears beginning to well in her eyes. She convinced that droid the same way she is trying to sway him now. Something about this girl pulls him. He subtly balls his fists against his sides, calling forth the Dark Side he’s worked so hard to hone and train.

“You. A scavenger.” That word and all of its connotations is what causes her to look at him again. Kylo Ren has a mission to retrieve the map to Luke Skywalker by any means and he has nearly all of them at his disposal. Fire and anger begin to thrum through him at how she makes him feel. He could unleash the lightsaber from his belt and destroy the room, cut into her skin and make her smell the burning of her own flesh. But somehow he understands she’s expecting such a battle to happen.

“You know I can take whatever I want.”

He leans in, reaching a hand up to her head but just only so close. It takes so much of his energy to remain calm and even and not show how rattled he is that he needs to stand this close to read her. She looks away, tears beginning to fall. He smiles inside, pulling his Force away from her and threading it back through his hand into her head.

“You are so lonely, so afraid to leave,” he comments, seeing the expanse of sand and sun. He recognizes fleeting images of an outpost, a fallen AT-AT, of a small girl screaming for her mother. But he thrusts in deeper against her mind pushing back, breaking through with sheer Force to something she doesn’t want him to see. He loves the feeling of the breech, the violation. He could swim in it if he wasn’t on a mission. “At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean, I see it,” he starts to mock, feeling her mind tense at the insult. Ren can practically taste her sweat, blood and fear. “I see the island.”

He bursts through another gate, his triumphant feeling of dominating this little girl gone by the image of his father smiling at her. Handing her a blaster. The way she feels cared about and protected. Safe. “And Han Solo. You feel like he’s the father you never had. He would have disappointed you,” Ren looks away, trying to push that Light inside himself further down.

Instead he’s met with the image of a young girl, hair down around her face and plastered to her skin by sweat, wielding a short staff through the air. She smiles, turning around to look at him. She runs up and hugs his leg before he can pry her away. The disappointment in her face when he points to her staff and commands her to continue causes Ren to falter. It is as if she is searching for his approval. His love.

He feels her Force tremble, shake and let go. She screams inside her head, fighting against the memory, but she chooses to pack it into a mental box inside, shutting it away from Ren’s view. “Get out of my head,” she commands.

The flash of her anger and the memory of Han Solo is enough to make him leave. He steps back, arm still raised. “I know you’ve seen the map. It’s there and now you’ll give it to me.”

She looks at him and that’s when he sees her fear. She felt it too.

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.” He relishes the idea of breaking her trust, the way her defeat will taste when he licks the last remnants of her sanity from her skull with his power.

“I’m not giving you anything,” she replies, indignant and trembling.

“We’ll see.” He cannot help but smirk now as he thrusts himself inside of her again, almost as violently as swinging his lightsaber through the body of an enemy.

She grunts and gasps, fighting. Indeed, she works very hard at putting up those barriers. It would be admirable if he wasn’t so intent on getting what he wants. He steels his jaw and pushes harder, imagining carving up that little girl from their memory into tiny pieces and scattering them in the desert.

Their memory.

He blinks through flashes of the little girl in a puddle in the rain. It’s dark and bodies lay scattered all around. A man raises a lightsaber to her and Ren thrusts his own into the torso of his companion, leaving his body to be the last to fall on that field.

_Rey_

He pushes in further, causing her to sweat and pant and grunt in response. She leans forward, using every ounce of her Force and her will to keep him out. He starts to repeat the name he found into her head, slamming it against the pushing Light in an attempt to cause her to shatter. She is untrained, it wouldn’t be hard. Except that she is fighting him.

Her face starts to darken, eyes wrinkling and focusing in on his face with anger and strength. He feels the Light slide past his defenses so easily and pluck out the first insecurity they find.

“You,” she pants, “You’re afraid. That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader”

Ren pulls his hand away and stumbles back, his breath coming out in short trembles and gasps.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren seeks grounding, but he isn’t the one who needs it. Serving the General of the First Order encompasses knowing just how to put him together again.

“You will need to return once per day until we arrive at our destination to have the gel applied,” the human physician stated, avoiding looking his Master in the eye as he placed the final bandage over the bowcaster wound to his side.

“Give it to me now, I will apply it in my own quarters,” Ren commanded evenly. He replaces his medical gown and sits on the edge of the bed with his long legs permitting his feet to touch the ground. He hears Hux’s boots clicking on the ground the moment he enters the medical bay. He listens in what he can only describe as anticipation, waiting until Hux approaches the bed before looking up from his bare feet. He isn’t wearing his great coat and there is a bulk of dark fabric in his arms.

“Fetch Master Ren what he requires and leave us at once, and have the rest of your personnel wait in the hall until we are finished,” General Hux demands, no edge to his voice. He doesn’t need it for this man to follow his command. He waits silently until the physician does as he is told before cracking a very small smile at the corner of his mouth.

Ren is almost taken aback when Hux sets the garments on the bed next to him. He could have easily sent any other officer to bring him clothing but he chose to deliver it himself. He looks to Hux before standing and examining his familiar wardrobe. The undergarments are a standard issue black that will cling to his thighs and riding low on his hips with just enough support. He removes his medical gown and slides them on. Next are the pants. Black and rather plain, not the jodhpurs that Hux wears for which he is grateful. Those things look ridiculous.

He pauses when he sees the tunic. He remembers the first one he made, stitching the pleats together in the middle of the night in his room, taking care to hide the evidence of his new persona each morning before he went to breakfast. The way the freshly waxed sleeves allowed the rain to bead off and fall to the ground the night he and the Knights destroyed the New Jedi. He slides the tunic on, Hux wordlessly closing the zippers on the underside of each arm. Ren pauses for a moment to admire the heavy woven fabric of his outer coat and to think about how it swayed when he walked, making his already large body all the more intimidating. Placing each layer over the next, he affixes his belt around his waist and looks to Hux, who appears satisfied. Ren notices the absence of his leather neck seal, which is probably for the best given his injuries. He slides into his boots and reaches for the cowl and hood.

“Allow me, Kylo,” Hux breathes. He rarely calls him that and it pleases him. Hux reaches over Ren’s head to place a black cowl around his neck and shoulders. He can feel fabric drape behind his back and he bends to allow Hux to place the hood over his head, shielding most of his face from view.

“Helmet?” Ren asks, feeling both foreign in his new clothes and swaddled by the care Hux took to help dress him in it.

“I figured you probably wanted to craft your own as you did with the first one. I have had the materials delivered to your quarters.” Hux reaches his hands up to smooth the coat over Ren’s chest and he doesn’t buckle under the touch, almost daring him to increase the intensity of his contact. Hux bites--if only a little--by lifting a hand to Ren’s left check and cupping the jaw under his warm palm. “I trust this uniform fits you to your satisfaction, not too constrictive against your wounds. I could arrange for other clothing to be provided.”

“Thank you, General,” Ren says nearly on a whisper. He wants to drop to his knees to show his gratitude but outside of their quarters Hux would call it primal and distasteful. Instead he is given a thumb caressing his cheek to assure him of his wise selection of behavior.

“You have done so well, dispatching of Han Solo. I need you to know that. In time, your strength will build as will your training and you will defeat the girl, the Traitor and the General.” He smiles, wide and genuine which would look fake to anyone else who hasn’t seen Hux privately.

“As you destroy the Resistance,” Ren replies, wanting so badly to reciprocate Hux’s touch. Over the past several weeks, they have been pre-occupied with finding the map and demonstrating Starkiller’s power that even those precious moments they were in the same room together were met with business to attend to and no time for indulgence in their more basic needs. Instead he leans into Hux’s touch ever so slightly.

“Not here,” Hux says on a lowered voice, removing his hand swiftly and clasping it with his other behind his back. His face loses its softness as it steels and his jaw flexes with the motion of his teeth tightening together behind unrelenting lips. It makes something deep stir inside of Ren. “I must ensure today’s tasks are assigned. I will meet you in your quarters in three hours’ time. Make sure you eat and take your pain medication as the physician ordered it. I will not bring you to Rakata-Prime bearing any resemblance to the creature I saved from the forest.” The General turns on a heel and quickly leaves the room. Ren waits until the physician and his personnel return and continue about their work before walking out into the main hall with confidence.

Halfway towards his quarters it becomes clear rather quickly that he was misguided to think he was back at full form. His body is covered with sweat and he’s nearly panting in exhaustion. He reaches up to hold his side as he makes another turn. The floorplan of the Finalizer so familiar and his usual path so used that he is surprised he hasn’t worn footsteps into the reflecting floor. Upon entering his quarters he sees a work table stationed in the center of the room where a desk would normally sit. Carefully arraigned on the table is the basic round metal structure needed to start his new helmet, along with every possible tool he could need and several other metal parts for additions. It saddens him that he left his helmet behind on the walkway. He relished the battle scars to its surface almost as if they were a map of every fight he lived through. In a way they were. He could tell the story of each dent and scrape. When they were younger, sometimes Hux would pretend not to be bored when he did so.

He removes his hood and cowl, hanging it gently on the hook near the now closed door, and makes his way to the bed. Since he was last aboard his room has been freshened: his large bed with black and dark grey silken sheets, a carafe of water on the nightstand, a small glowing orb lamp on the other nightstand, and plenty of pillows of all shapes and sizes. Pouring himself a glass and downing it quickly, he refills it and drinks half before sitting on the edge to remove his boots. He removes the belt and sets it neatly folded on the nightstand, knowing that Hux will complain when he arrives. Curious, Ren decides to open the drawer to determine if that too has been re-stocked to Hux’s precise specifications. Indeed it has. He smiles as he runs his fingers over the implements and bottles. He expects to receive some sort of punishment for his failures, even if Hux was decidedly supportive in the medical bay. However, his injuries may preclude any sort of strenuous activity for several nights and this disappoints him. As much as he needs to be grounded and reminded of who he is and his purpose, the Supreme Leader would be disappointed if he was unable to begin training upon his arrival.

In the second drawer is another secret he holds. He only keeps maybe ten books anymore, but they are all ones he has had for a very long time. His fingers pause over a leather-bound text that he hasn’t even thought of for years. He feels a trace of the Force when his fingertips pause on its binding and it startles him. Ren picks it up, it’s weight and leather binding felt familiar in his hands. Laying down with his head propped on the massive collection of pillows, he opens the book.

It’s a book he has read dozens of times as a young man. The pages are worn from such readings. He lets his mind wander slightly as his eyes pass over the words, more interested in why he chose to read it at all than what it actually says. Even after all these years he could recite passages of the book from memory. He remembers a time when the book meant so much, not to him but to the person who insisted he read it. Ren closes his eyes and lets the familiar scene play across the darkness. The desperate older boy curled in his arms discussing the plot as if it were their destiny.

How could they have known, at the time, how wrong each of them were?

~

Ben crosses his arms even tighter around his waist as the Millennium Falcon lands on the tarmac before him. His parents were here only a few weeks ago and visits in such proximity were not common. He wonders if Master Luke told them of how he was caught staying out past night call and sparring with his friends using fully functional lightsabers instead of the wooden ones reserved for training. He’s been living with Master Luke and training since he was twelve, only about a year and a half ago. He used to be excited when his parents would come and visit, but now he’s annoyed. He has other things to do than be hugged and told to cut his hair.

His body tenses when the door lowers and his parents step off the ship with Chewbacca in tow. He puts on a smile and approaches them, getting a pat on the back from his father and a hug from his mother and the Wookie. “Hello, mom,” he says, giving them a tight smile.

“Hello Ben,” his mother responds. “We are here to meet with Luke and I am so glad you could break from your studies to greet us.”

“Master Luke?” Ben tilts his head.

“That and Chewie here wanted to know what you want for your 14th birthday. Gotta give him a few months to shop,” his father laughs. Chewie just nods and shrugs. “We’ll show ourselves to Luke’s quarters. But, there’s someone on the Falcon that might interest you.”

“Ben!”

Ben smiles as his best friend runs off the ship and approaches him, giving him a hug that didn’t last nearly as long as either boy would have wanted.

“You guys go catch up, we’ll be a few hours,” his mother says, the three of them moving into the school.

His friend waits until they can’t see before grabbing Ben’s hand and dragging him onto the Falcon and straight to the room his friend usually uses when he travels to visit. Ben closes the door behind him and his friend grabs his face, kissing him deeply. They have only been experiencing this physical aspect of their friendship for about six months, and Ben still feels sloppy and clumsy with his tongue in his friend’s mouth, even if it is the most amazing thing he can imagine.

Ben pants after they break, reaching for his friend’s belt. “I touch myself each night waiting to see you again and I didn’t think you’d come until my birthday.”

“Hold on, I brought you a present,” his friend parts from him, moving towards a pack next to the bed. “Here,” he says, placing a leather-bound book in Ben’s hands.

“What is it?” Ben asks, holding the book tightly. He knows how important books are to his friend so this gift must be precious. “Is it a book of sexual positions?”

His friend snickers. “I wish. No, it’s better. It’s a story about a padawan falling in love with one of the hands. But it’s forbidden, so he ends up leaving the Jedi to be with his one true love.” Biting his lip, he moves his hands around Ben’s waist. “Remind you of anyone?”

“You want me to leave the Jedi?”

His friend steps back. “I don’t want you to do anything that you don’t want. I was thinking mostly of the first part,” he steps back in, sliding a hand into the open V of Ben’s padawan robes.

“Thank you,” Ben says, setting the book down on the small table behind him before wrapping his own arms around his friend. “I promise to read it, but for now I want to do more…things with you.”

Ben stares at his friend. Even though he was three years older than Ben, he was the more timid of the two. He permits Ben to have his choice when it comes to physical activities. It was Ben who kissed him first, during a camping trip for his friend’s 16th birthday. Even now his friend’s breath hitches, waiting for Ben. His eyes practically beg to see the expanse of white mottled skin under these padawan robes. His friend’s mouth is open, lips parted. The same lips he has kissed before, that have traveled his body under both urgency and under slow pace.

Ben doesn’t need a romance story when he has his prince right here.

“You can say it, Ben. Fuck. You want to fuck me.”

Ben laughs, leaning in for a kiss. He is only just starting to grow taller than his friend and knows soon he’ll have to bend down to capture those soft warm lips.

He reaches his hands up inside of that brown leather jacket his friend always wears and slides it off, tossing it to the ground and nimble fingers begin to remove the layers of brown robes Master Luke chose for him.

~

Kylo Ren awakes to find he is not alone in his bed. Hux is lying next to him on his side, hand splayed on his chest. Ren smiles into the welcoming eyes of his bedmate.

“I trust you slept well,” Hux says softly.

“I did,” Ren replies. “Sir.”

“I know the guilt you feel inside, Kylo,” Hux purrs, propping himself up on an elbow, hand still on his chest. “You feel guilty that you let the girl get away. As you should, she was untrained and she bested you. Of course, she wouldn’t have been a problem had you just fetched the droid…”

“You failed to fetch the astrometric, General,” Ren snaps, sitting up in one fluid and painful motion, the book that was on his stomach falling to the hard floor beside the bed. “It was your mission to secure it.”

“Don’t you think that I have already paid dearly for my mistake?” Hux hisses. “Starkiller is destroyed. My entire life’s work, the legacy of my _name_ , is nothing but space trash hovering over the Ileenium System. My regime is decimated and even you question my ability to cultivate an army. Supreme Leader ordered me to rescue you and bring you back to Rakata-Prime and to ensure your safety but have been given no assurances of my own.”

“Hux,” Ren slides over and cups his General’s face in his hands. “You have done something that nobody else would be able to do. You built the structure within which me and my Knights will win this war.”

The General covers Ren’s hands with his own. “Can you assure my life?”

“I will do what it takes to protect you. My loyalty to Snoke is second only to you, Brendol.” While not spoken, Hux displays a slight acknowledgement in his eyes repays Ren’s consideration.

Hux pushes his face forward for a deep and firm kiss. “I should punish you for losing the girl,” he says in between kisses.

“And I would deserve it,” Ren replies back, daring to bite Hux’s lower lip and suck.

He wishes Hux would order him to his knees, punish him with the flogger or spikes. Ren wants Hux to press his boot into his face and grind his cheek against the floor until his fresh wound opens up and bleeds underneath him. He wants to submit and let his General use every inch of his flesh until he is raw, spent and bleeding and left to make himself come on the floor once Hux has left the room. But he looks up into those sad eyes. Hux has lost his life’s work in the span of only a few minutes. Ren sees the despondence in Hux’s face, the way his gaze falls blank at the discussion of the loss of Starkiller. This interaction is not about punishment or domination, it is about security and care. Not Kylo’s, but Hux’s. His entire demeanor in the medical bay had been a façade, an action of submission to his defeat seeping through. He cannot allow his General to wilt.

Through all the layers of uniform between them he can still feel Hux’s cock hard against his hip. Ren sits up and does his best to remove his layers quickly, sending piles of black fabric sliding to the floor. Hux waits for Ren to grab the zipper pull just under his collar of his own jacket and slide it down, revealing the dark black undershirt. Ren removes the jacket and sends it to the floor to join his own clothing. Hux lifts his arms to allow Ren to pull that undershirt off, revealing an expanse of pale white skin covering little muscle he possesses and the bones that build his frame. Ren feels guilty, disgusted with his selfishness. Hux rolls onto his back and Ren slides on top of him, carefully considering his wounded side as he covers his lover’s body.

“I’m sorry,” Ren murmurs between kisses and licks to Hux’s chest and stomach. “I was careless and selfish and it’s my fault Starkiller is gone.”

Cradling him, Ren begins to run his hands down his ribs, wrapping his chest up in them while his tongue licks a map onto white skin. He makes his way up to Hux’s neck and ear where he whispers “It’s okay” and “I’ve got you” while he lets his warmth shower the man below him. He contemplates breaking their strict rule but decides against it, knowing it would make his lover feel more violated and weak. Instead he reaches down to unbuckle and open Hux’s jodhpurs. Ren removes Hux’s pants and undergarments so fast that he hisses when the cold air hits his very hard cock.

They part long enough for Ren to reach into the drawer and select a bottle of lubricant, liberally coating his own fingers before reaching around to fumble at the General’s entrance. Hux has no other choice but to grasp Ren’s hair, holding his head and ultimately pushing Ren’s mouth onto his cock. Ren begins the task of opening Hux’s body to him. His tongue slides over Hux’s cock as it pulses between his hollowed cheeks. A second finger is added as Ren suckles on the flesh in his mouth. Lapping his tongue over the silken head in his mouth while gradually scissoring his own fingers inside of the man below him, he hums just enough to make his General moan. Kylo Ren would smirk if his mouth wasn’t full of cock. There is something entirely seductive about watching General Brendol Hux enjoy his own body. Especially tonight. He can watch this powerful man practically rebuild confidence with each lick, suck and tease. Precisely the point, he encourages to himself. In what doesn’t take much time at all, he manages to get a third finger inside and thrust his hand in and out of Hux’s hole at just the perfect angle to completely avoid that sweet spot.

Clearly Hux has sensed that Ren has grown impatient and he sits up to grab his wrist, stilling his fingers inside of him. He looks up at Hux through his messy hair, lips wrapped tightly around his cock and pre-come trickling into the back of his palate. Hux groans at the state Ren has put him in and pushes him off. They both twitch at the sucking pop Ren’s mouth obscenely makes when they part. Quickly, he grabs the bottle and lubricates his own cock, shuddering under his own touch as it’s the first contact that has been has since this began. He is used to delaying his pleasure. Kylo turns onto his back, grabbing onto Hux’s hips and lowering him slowly onto his cock.

Eyes meet his own, glassy and red. Has Hux been crying? Is this the first he is noticing of this? Guilt sweeps over Ren once Hux is fully seated, pausing long enough to lean fully forward and rest his forehead on Ren’s sweaty chest. He lifts a hand and cards it through the orange hair in front of his face as if to pet him, soothe him, tell him everything will be right and that he will protect him from whatever punishment the Supreme Leader intends to give. This fierce ownership Kylo feels for Hux’s safety hits him and makes tears well in his own eyes. Blinking them away, his hands return to the hips over his and squeeze insistently.

Taking the message, Hux begins to rock forward, pulling Ren’s cock out of him just until the head is caught by the tight ring before rocking back. His forehead stays glued to Ren’s chest, one hand gripping the sheets at Ren’s side while the other stays splayed on Ren’s chest next to his cheek. Knowing Hux is hiding shame, Ren brings a hand up to trace over the side of his ribs before resting on the back of his neck. Neither of them is accustomed to sharing such touches and trades of affection as of late that it Ren knows it takes them both by surprise. Hux does not seek such coddling by nature, although Kylo would always provide if it was wanted. Or needed. They continue with the slow rocking for what could be deemed an eternity. They are both completely satisfied with moving together.

Ren is thrumming with a deeper pleasure than simple physical sensation. He is pleasing Hux, caring for him, serving him. When Hux pushes up, finally exposing his face to Ren, he sees the tears running down his face and the trembling of his lip. Ren reaches up to still the lip with the pad of his thumb as he slams his hips up into the body swallowing his cock. Hux lets out a groan, his mouth falling open at the move. He does it again, pressing his thumb into his mouth. Hux captures it in his teeth lightly and licks. Eye contact ties them together as it remains unbroken through his snap of Ren’s hips and each bruising slam of Hux’s body back down. They increase their pace as a hand finds its way into Ren’s hair and another around Hux’s cock to match the pressure and pace set between their bodies.

Noises become louder as their movements become more erratic. Hux rolls his hips on each down stroke to permit Ben’s cock to find that sweet spot that gives him visions of galaxies exploding in his mind. The sound Hux makes when he comes reminds him of such a reaction—loud, guttural and choking. Hot liquid spills onto Ren’s stomach and he feels Hux dip his hand into it and spread it up and across his chest. He moves up and off of Ren’s cock and strokes him the three last times it takes for him to come into Hux’s mess on his stomach.

The General repeats the smearing to mingle their fluids together before leaning forward and resting his forehead against Ren’s left breast, panting. Drips of sweat fall off him and land in the come and sweat mingling on Ren’s bare skin. After what feels like hours but could only have been minutes, Hux’s hips and thighs finally waver and he removes himself from the straddling of Ren and twists his body so it lays flush against Ren’s left side, his cheek taking up residence where his forehead was. He begins to lazily trace patterns in the mixing fluids on Ren’s skin.

Hux lifts his head which prompts Ren to open his eyes and look down. “What of your punishment?”

“Do you still wish to give it, Sir?” Ren asks.

“I suppose not, you have demonstrated your loyalty,” Hux plants his lips to Kylo’s skin briefly before pressing his tongue widely against Ren’s skin, following the patterns his fingers made in their smeared come on his chest, cleaning him.

“My love, Kylo,” Hux murmurs after the last bit of come has disappeared down his throat. “You serve so well.”

“I do,” Ren replies, closing his eyes. “You are where my allegiance lies.”

Hux stands and begins to dress, smoothing out the wrinkles of each layer before the next goes on. Once fully clothed, he leans down to capture Ren’s lips one last time before departing. Despite the hollowness of watching Hux leave, as he always does, his gaze is affixed to the back of his great coat and the sliding shut of the door behind him. He is left satisfied in fulfilling his duty to his General with the transferred tangy taste of them both mixing on his tongue.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, Hux being a switch that tops from the bottom is totally my jam. He’s such a conflicted man.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Kylo Ren begins to piece himself back together, he slips further into his past. In his attempts to repair his love, General Hux, he has neglected his own pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *There is a specific reason Kylo Ren thinks of himself as ‘Ren’ as opposed to Kylo, and it goes against the common fanon and canon, which I will explain when the time is right 

Ren is awakened by the tone of someone wishing to enter his quarters. He grabs a black robe from his closet as he moves to the door. Silk like his sheets, with a hood just as large as the one he wears during the day. Some pithy little Commander was sent to tell Ren that the trip to their ‘final destination’ will take an extra day due to ‘unforeseen entanglements’ that the General decided to avoid. After ordering his morning meal---and all subsequent ones---be sent to his quarters, Ren showers.

His fingers ghost over all those spots he remembers Hux tracing last night. There was desperation in Hux’s touches, a need and a hunger under each flick of a fingertip or lick of his tongue as it traveled through their release mixed on his skin. Ren’s hand pauses on the spot that Hux’s forehead claimed on his chest. While he always enjoys each encounter they have, Ren prefers the ones where there is more comfort than pain. There is a transformation that happens when they fuck like that. There have been times where Ren has been unsure or pushed beyond what his training has prepared him for. Times when he trembled in fear of repercussions from Snoke. Those nights were spent curled around Hux while the General whispered compliments and encouragements into his mouth. When he called him ‘my love.’ It always bolstered him, kept the rest of the stones from falling down. Made him more powerful.

To be honest with himself, last night served him as well. Ren felt powerful in being able to give Hux what he needed. Kylo Ren is good at serving. It feeds him in a way that meditation never could. It drives him and inspires him. With a newfound sense of purpose and strength, he climbs out of the shower and dries off. Then he changes his bandages, re-applies the healing gel and puts on a more casual attire. For him, that means his boots, black pants and a simply cut grey tunic. He has no plans to leave his quarters until they arrive at Rakata-Prime.

Not wanting to admit that he wishes Hux would have stayed last night, even though he never does, Ren goes about rebuilding his helmet as distraction. Quite fond of the chrome ribs surrounding the eyes, he spends most of the morning replicating that feature of the mask. He pauses to eat, drink and use the toilet, engrossed deeply in his work. He doesn’t care to meditate or train or use the Force at all. He’s too terrified of what he might learn about what he knows and doesn’t want to take the energy to confront it. Not alone, not without the Supreme Leader’s guidance. So he affixes the chrome grill to the front of the helmet and begins to part together the mouth piece. At first he intended to make something completely new and different, and even though this one is almost identical, in a way it still is new. Because it’s not the one he first fashioned under orders from Snoke to hide his face from the galaxy. At least until nobody recognized him anymore. Or something to that effect.

Sometimes his teen years where Kylo and Ben overlapped blur together. Memories are hazy, emotions are tense and even his skin crawls when trying to reach that far back while he is still awake. It’s only doable in his dreams because he can’t really control them. Not for lack of trying. He’s always tried to control his dreams. He’s even wanted to attempt to learn dreamwalking but has yet to find a willing participant. So he tries to control his own dreams. Any time they drift into unwanted memories he used to be able to steer them away, but not since this Awakening. The Force is starting to shift and change and with it comes a loss of power and control. Kylo Ren does not do well when confronted with Ben’s past or those hazy blurs between the two.

He hammers the sides of the mouthpiece down with a bit too much force, making it a bit longer and less triangular than its predecessor. He finds two black strips of metal with flaking red paint on either side. He affixes them to the far sides of the mouthpiece, red side out. It matches his lightsaber, Hux will remark. But Ren thinks of them as fangs. Bearing his teeth. He’s pleased with these upgrades, feeling like he should evolve now with the death of Han Solo.

Destruction. Not death. Stop personifying the smuggler.

It isn’t until the evening meal has long since been eaten that Hux lets himself into Ren’s quarters. Ren doesn’t look up from his work but he follows Hux’s movements out of his peripheral vision. Hux sits in his favorite chair in Ren’s quarters; a black leather armchair standing upon four chrome metal pegged feet. It’s boxy and angular, much like the General when in uniform. He crosses one leg over the other, just above the knee, and removes his gloves. Ren doesn’t have to directly see it to know that he is carefully evening all the wrinkles out of each glove and stacking them very precisely on the left arm of the chair.

“I was expecting you to make an appearance on the Bridge today,” Hux says matter-of-factly, eyes transfixed to the mess of metal and tools on the table Ren is seated at.

“I’m not about to appear in front of the First Order without my helmet,” Ren replies, not lifting his eyes from his work.

“I even had some witty retorts prepared for your childish remarks,” Hux smirks. What his comment doesn’t say aloud is that his General _wanted_ some semblance of their usual routine. He needed it as much as Ren needed to rebuilt a better helmet. Ren knows Hux well enough that he can tell some things without needing to read his mind.

“You know if you would let me into your head I could have given you those remarks and still worked on my new helmet,” Ren says with just enough anger that he regrets it.

“Ren.”

He practically shudders when he hears his name roll off Hux’s tongue in that tone. It’s low enough that a fool would miss the instruction therein. It draws Ren from his helmet and has him walk across the room, locking eyes with his General. He stands tall before him for one daring breath before dropping to his knees dutifully and clasping his hands behind his back. He doesn’t back down from eye contact, hoping that if he cannot reach inside Hux’s mind he can at least read his eyes.

General Hux smiles with his eyes sometimes. Like right now.

“You test me, don’t you Kylo?”

Ren nods, biting the inside of his cheek in both need and pain from his side aching in this position.

“We should reach the citadel by nightfall tomorrow.” Hux leans forward, elbows on his knees, face mere inches from Ren’s. “Do you remember your loyalty?”

He nods.

“Say it.”

“You, my General,” he responds, feeling his body flush with heat.

Hux leans back. His expressions lack the arousal and confidence he would typical exude from having Ren on his knees before him, troubling Ren. “Good. You may continue your work if you wish.”

Instead, Ren chooses to discard his work for the night. Standing, he offers a hand to his lover. Hux looks up at him with a mix of confusion and fear. Not fear of Ren, fear of what awaits them tomorrow. The moment hangs in the air just long enough that Ren is about to withdraw his hand and take the rejection when Hux stands and takes it. Ren pulls him close to his chest, feeling warm breath through his grey tunic and spreading across the skin beneath. Hux’s bare hands wrap around his waist and the two stand for what feels like days. Just like this. So close that nothing can pull them apart. Nothing will, if Ren can stop it.

“Do you remember the night we began the fall of the Jedi?” Ren asks, whispering it into Hux’s hair.

“Yes,” Hux replies against Ren’s chest. “I remember how nervous you were that entire day. Every time we passed in the corridors or the courtyard you would lock eyes with me and all but beg me to convince Snoke to delay.”

“I was young, I questioned my abilities.”

“You questioned the Supreme Leader.”

“Don’t you now? By asking me to assure your life, are you questioning Snoke’s decision to execute you, if he so determines that to be the course of your fate?”

Hux pulls back just enough to look at Ren. His eyes are glassy and threaten to spill over. “Snoke is wise in the ways of the Dark Side, but I do not have the Force. I have done everything I possibly can to continue to make myself valuable but…” his voice catches. “When your training is complete what use will he have for me?”

“I am nothing without you, Brendol. Snoke knows this, he must. It’s only the Light Side that forbids attachments. Please.” Ren cups Hux’s face in a big hand. “Without you I would have never had the strength to carry out the destruction of the Jedi that night.”

“You disagree with my methods. Quite frequently might I add.”

“I do,” Ren sighs. “That does not change my devotion. I will continue to train and you will continue to lead. Without you the First Order lacks organization. Without me, the First Order lacks the power of the Force. Supreme Leader was wise to select us.”

He feels Hux smile into his chest before parting. “I need to pack several items, as do you. His latest communication stated that you and I will take a shuttle to the surface and we may be there for a significant period of time.”

“Are you leaving Captain Phasma in charge while we are gone?” Ren asks, already missing Hux’s touch.

“As of now she has not been located.” Hux’s voice was strong but his eyes wavered. His Captain was quite the valuable asset. She was firm in her service, did not question the methods of either her General or Ren—at least not that Ren ever knew. He did reach into her mind once, years ago, when Hux selected her as Captain of his Stormtroopers. Ren did it behind his General’s back as an extension of her selection process, of course. Snoke insisted and he was all too happy to ensure Hux was making the best choice. Her mind was organized and categorized as if she were a computer and was able to select the needed files when the situation called for it. Such a weak minded person needed that level of order imposed on them in order to function. Her training was a service to her really.

“I see,” is all Ren could say back.

“Be sure to have your helmet ready. I will send an officer to retrieve you when we arrive.”

What Ren isn’t expecting is for his General to close the gap between them and lean up for a hard kiss, not stopping until they are both breathless, and then leaving the room as silently as he arrived. Since they left Starkiller Base, Hux has been battling insecurity and fear and it’s made him weak. His dependence on Ren both scares and delights him and it reminds him of their initial meetings as young men at the school. This older teen—five years older—always looking to Ren as if he held the answers of the galaxy. He was full of grand ideas and very thoughtful plans, but at the time he lacked the strength. It wasn’t until after Ren and his Knights destroyed the Jedi and students that Hux began to grow into his own power as a human without the Force.

Killed all but one, Ren reminds himself.

Pushing the thought out of his head, he removes his boots and clothing and walks into the bathroom. He removes his bandages and checks the progress of his healing. Master Luke used to say that Jedi could heal faster if they were in tune with the Light Side. Not Master…Liar. Swallowing the bitter taste from his mouth at the thought, Ren applies the gel and begins to apply fresh dressings to his wounds. His new helmet is complete and he can pack needed clothing items in the morning. Using the Force to turn out the lights, except the glowing orb on his nightstand, he climbs into his bed and turns on his side. He reaches down to find the book still on the floor after having been discarded the night before. This should be packed, he thinks to himself, tucking it back in the drawer before turning the orb out and letting the darkness wash over him.

~

“I think that tower would be the perfect place to meet,” Qui-Ro suggests. “Nobody goes up there, not even Master Luke.”

“It would even be easy to sneak away to,” Ben comments. “I’ll go up there later and check it out.”

“I don’t know why the woods is such a bad place,” Ruma complains.

“We need to get out of the open,” Cane explains. “If Master Luke or anyone else figures out what we are doing…He is sure to find out.”

They all look to Ben. It feels empowering to be the defacto leader of this little group. Of course it has little to do with Ben’s ability and more to do with his lineage, but if that’s what it takes to move through the ranks then he is glad to take it. Nodding, Ben leans in over the table and smiles. “I’ll check it out this afternoon during mediation. I never go anyway.”

A few hours later, Ben finds himself sneaking off across the Academy grounds and towards the large vacant tower. It’s taller than the three-story school, but not by much. He wonders if Leader Snoke will establish a hologram comm link so that he can speak with the Leader whenever he wishes. It has been nearly a month since he last spoke with him and he feels as if he was not strong enough for Snoke to chose him. Perhaps one of his cohorts has been selected to receive further training. It’s only a matter of time before he proves himself worthy of Snoke’s attentions and teachings.

He climbs the stairs into the tower, noting cobwebs cluttering the corners and slightly uneven stones lining the wall of the stairwell. This may be the perfect location for them to meet. Surely his initiative will not go un-noticed by Snoke. What Ben is not expecting when he arrives at the top of the tower is the image of a small girl sitting on a bedroll, cradling a doll in her lap. She cannot be older that four or five years. She’s swathed in light brown robes, similar to that of a padawan but less structured and more uneven.

“Who are you?” he asks, finding himself very put off by this creature. She’s not a student…he would have remembered a youngling this small. He cannot recall having ever seen her before.

She looks up and instantly runs towards the wall, grabbing a wooden staff and holding it out in front of her. “Leave me alone!”

Her fear tickles Ben’s mind and causes him to feel an instant pang of guilt. He holds up his hands. “I’m not here to hurt you. My name is Ben. I didn’t know anyone was up here. I was…going to meditate.”

“Are you…a Jedi?” the girl asks, lowering her staff. She is so small he wonders how she could even lift it it.

“Someday, I’m in training. Are you?”

She smiles wide and nods. Her eyes practically glitter with delight. “I’m still too young, Master Luke says I am safer up here.”

“Safe from what?” Ben moves closer to the girl, choosing to sit on the floor near his bed roll. He picks up her doll, dressed like Master Luke.

Shrugging her shoulders, she sits down in front of Ben and pulls her doll from his hands. “I’m not supposed to let anyone else know I am here.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Ben smiles. He feels so drawn to this little girl. Perhaps he feels her loneliness, or her adoration of Master Luke. Her hope and joy at life, even though she is locked away in this tower. He can practically feel her love for that doll in her hands. “What is your name?”

“I’m Rey,” she hugs her doll close to her chest. “What is your name?”

“I’m Ben.”

“Will you stay with me for a little while? I want to show you how well I can fight with my staff!”

Rey does not wait for answer before running to her stick and twirling it in the air, fighting imaginary enemies.

~

Ren strides down the hall towards the Bridge, somewhat pleased that the few Stormtroopers and officers aboard give him pause. Must be the new helmet, he thinks. It is imposing. General Hux will be annoyed that his staff is reacting out of form, but that was the whole point of making his presence known out of his quarters before they are due to arrive. Ren takes his strides a bit slower than he would prefer, attempting to stave off the pain that his mere mortal body insists on experiencing.

Pausing at the open arch leading to the Bridge, Ren sees his General standing at his favorite spot. The apex of the room. Staring out into the stars. He is wearing his hat and his great coat, posture straight and talk. Hux doesn’t shift his weight from one leg to the other, in fact Ren cannot recall having ever seen him do so. It creates such an intimidating form, even from behind. The fall of the great coat is still as he stands motionless. The lines of the pleats in the back as they come together to form sharp angles are in direct contrast with the way it flows when he moves. The General wears the coat like a cape, never sticking his arms inside the sleeves. He likens it to a cloak, but practical and less dramatic. Ren would disagree, Hux’s great coat is very dramatic and has been a star of many of Ren’s thoughts. Ren can practically feel the embroidered texture of the First Order emblem on the arm.

“I trust you have better things to do than gaze at the stars, General,” Ren snarks as he strides up the floating path to Hux’s side. “Isn’t there a Resistance to destroy?”

“It pays to appreciate the galaxy we are fighting to control, Master Ren.” His back straightens just a touch and Ren hears the creak of leather as his fists tighten inside their gloves.

“You fight for the twinkly lights in the darkness. What a shame, I thought it was for something important.” Ren turns to face him.

Hux turns, staring into the black space where he knows Ren’s eyes hide. “Becoming,” he says on a whisper, knowing that none of his officers are close enough to hear.

“Have you heard about the rest of your crew?” What he really wants to know is if he’s heard about Captain Phasma’s fate.

“There are several Destroyers in closer orbit to Starkiller…to its former location…that have reported some fighters docking, but not many. However, it appears that the Resistance has retreated as well. There have been no reports of attacks upon our fleet at large.” His head turns back to the observation window. “I trust you are ready.”

“I am.”

“Good. Seems like the girl knocked some sense into you after all.”

Ren hesitates, thinking back to his dream. He feels his entire body freeze completely still and he lets out a hitched breath, just barely audible through the mask.

“Kylo?” Hux’s voice is low, but when Ren finally meets his gaze he sees the hint of concern on his face.

“I’m…” he trails off, finding himself speechless and lost inside the remnants of his dream playing itself out in his mind.

“My briefing room at once,” Hux spits, turning on a heel and walking down the floating walkway towards his private preparation room.

Ren walks behind the General, watching his great coat sway with each step. Unsure of what to expect, he waits until the door is closed firmly behind him before he falters. He starts to shake and he feels sweat dripping over his face and running through his scalp and trickling down the back of his neck seal. The room begins to spin as he feels himself falling to the floor.

“Ren, oh fuck, Ren,” Hux is in front of him, arms on his shoulders. “I’m going to call for the physician.”

“NO!” Ren shouts, hearing a child in his voice. “I’m….”

“I think you are in shock, I should not have permitted you to leave medical bay,” Hux’s voice cracks.

“Rey.” He tries to catch his breath but finds inhaling to be a challenge. “He’s going to find out about Rey.”

“Who is Rey? You need medical attention.” Hux moves to stand but Ren grabs his arm tightly.

“Bren…Brendol. Rey is the girl. The scavenger.” He looks up to meet Hux’s eyes which are blown with concern. His General is concerned about him. His hat has fallen off at some point and his hair is down in his face. He isn’t even trying to tuck it back. “Snoke is going to find out.”

“What are you talking about, Ren?” Hux slides even closer, practically cradling him as they both half sit, half kneel on the floor next to the briefing table. “You were injured and…”

“I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt…something. She is different. And now she’s going to kill me. Us. If Snoke doesn’t do it first.”  Ren closes his eyes and lets the memories flood through him. Ben’s memories. He can’t shake them now, he won’t even try. When he opens them, he sees Hux is still there, still holding him, still concerned.

“Why?” Hux whispers, placing his mouth against Ren’s forehead. “Who…”

“I cannot assure your life any more than I can my own.” Kylo Ren starts to cry, actually cry. Perhaps it’s the injuries and his physical exertion, or it’s a failure of his ability to maintain his Force energy, but he is broken. “I failed you, Brendol.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and General Hux arrive at Snoke’s citadel.

It’s the longest hour of Ren’s life. Hux’s too, if his behavior is any indicator. Ren stopped counting the number of times Hux has removed his gloves, stacked them on his knee, and put them back on. It makes Ren uneasy, even more than he already is, and helpless that he can’t calm his General. Or himself. After a while, Ren places a hand over Hux’s to still them. He cringes at the touch before melting into it. How desperately Ren wants to break their rule and wander into Hux’s head. He imagines being able to hold him inside and feel his entire mind soften at peace.

“Let me in?” Ren asks softly, still looking out the window. “Sir?”

“Rules, Kylo,” Hux breathes. “Now we must hold onto what little order we have left.”

Or avoid disorder, Ren thinks to himself. He revels in the feeling of Hux’s bare hand under his. He considers begging on his knees for Hux to hurt him in the way that grounds them both. One last time, perhaps. He squeezes Hux’s hand, something Ren would not do. He has only in the past two days become so bold with showing his affections. Ren knows Hux needs it. And he responds by turning his palm upwards to connect to Ren’s and interlacing their fingers together. They both look out through the window and watch the ship traveling over the planet, coursing over deserts and expanses of short trees and bushes with dusty green foliage scattered over outcroppings. Occasionally a small village appears and disappears almost as quickly.

When the citadel comes into view, Hux pulls his hand away and gloves them quickly. Ren does the same before the make their landing. If he keeps his gloves on the entire stay he can somehow preserve the sensation of them holding hands until they can do it again. He places his new helmet on his head, feeling a comfort in hiding again. Finding an appropriate place to land the transport, Ren does just that. The citadel itself sits up at the top of a graduated hill. Deciding to leave their bags on the ship, for now, both men walk wordlessly up the gravel path to the large structure. The tan stones that make up the building seem almost serene compared to the suffering they both imagine will occur once they are inside.

When they approach, the door is opened by a small boy, maybe thirteen, wearing a simple grey sack with holes for his head and arms. He doesn’t raise his eyes from the ground.

“Follow me Masters.”

Ren and Hux walk side by side down the halls, following the child up a flight of stairs and into a rather large room with two wooden chairs in the middle, right next to each other. Resisting the urge to run, Ren takes a seat and sees Hux do the same in his peripheral vision. The boy positions himself in front of them and takes to his knees, still looking at the ground.

“I congratulate you, my apprentice, on your victory against Han Solo.”

“It was due to your guidance,” Ren replies, realizing the boy is a conduit for Snoke to speak through. It would not be the first time he has made contact with Ren this way. “I failed to bring you the girl but...”

“But I have succeeded in my mission,” Hux cuts in. “I have brought you Kylo Ren so that he may complete his training.”

“You failed to destroy the Resistance, General.”

“They have been considerably weakened in morale and in fleet,” Hux clears his throat. “Having one large weapon was a mistake, I see that now. It gave them a singular target.”

“And what would you suggest, General?  That I give you a second opportunity to disappoint me?”

“My apprentice, leave us.” The child, Snoke, speaks angrily. “I will summon you when I am done with the General.”

“Supreme Leader I cannot lead the First Order without his assistance…” Ren begins to plead.

“What good is he to us now?” Snoke asks through the child.

“General Hux has a great understanding of his failures and how he can avoid repeating them. He has told me of some plans. Ways to play into the strengths of the Resistance that we did not know until the fall of Starkiller Base.” Ren is almost certain that Snoke can tell he’s basically pulling tricks out of hats and making this up, but it doesn’t matter. It sounds good, and right now it’s all he can do. He swore he would protect Hux. “I have known Hux for many years and in that time we have become allies against the Resistance. Against the Light Side.”

“Would this be an accurate assessment, General?”

“We may disagree on some of the minutiae, Supreme Leader,” Hux begins calmly. Ren can practically feel Hux’s distain for the way Ren pleaded for his life. “However our history would lend itself to a level of understanding that is invaluable to our continued fight.”

“Supreme Leader, I can trust that while I continue to train that General Hux will build an army that can support my…”

“Trust is irrelevant,” Hux interrupts.

“Supreme…”

“I suggest you do not try my patience, my young apprentice.”

Ren stills, biting his lip under his mask. Fear builds strong in him, he feels his resolve waning. Ren pictures standing and grabbing the child’s throat. He can hear the sound his windpipe makes when it crushes in his fist. He can see the blue of his skin, the red of the vessels in his eyes as they break. Killing the conduit would not harm Snoke in any way, but it would feel good. It would give Ren the power to grab Hux and pull him back to the carrier and as far away as he can get them. Instead he chews on his lip until he tastes blood.

“Leave us,” Snoke says. “I wish to speak to the General about his plans in private.”

Snoke’s words ringing through the child’s young voice still cut into Ren’s head and leave him all but shivering in his chair. If Ren leaves, he cannot protect Hux should Snoke be more interested in having him killed than listening to his plans. He stands, afraid to look Hux in the eye. He turns to do so but finds Hux seated absolute. Steel jaw, firm eyes straight ahead. Ren’s hand almost tingles where they held them not that long ago as he turns and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Ren fills with fear at the very real possibility that he will never see Hux again.

He was not told where to wait, so he decides to walk down the halls and smash things. First is a narrow wooden table hugging the wall. On top is a small stone bowl filled with dried flower petals. He drives his gloved fist through the bowl and the table. It shatters and splinters onto the floor, sending skitters of ceramic and chunks of wood around his feet. He moves on to a frame painting of flowers on the wall. Clearly this is not Snoke’s home, not truly. The Supreme Leader wouldn’t dare have such beauty about. Ren removes his lightsaber and slashes the frame to pieces.

Kylo Ren continues to walk through the halls, slashing and smashing small tables, a wooden chair, framed painting and tapestries in his wake. Children, dressed the same as the conduit and of similar age, pay him no mind and give him wide birth as he moves. He feels stupid. If Snoke is not even here, then where could he be? Why order Hux to bring Ren to him if he didn’t mean it? Is this some sort of test, elaborate trap? Ren has visions of the Resistance X-Wings swooping down. Would they take out the children here? Ren envisions the best pilot in the Resistance flying over, giving the stop order once he sees these poor innocent children. Would the Commander land and try to rescue them himself?

Ren makes his way out to the balcony overlooking the courtyard. A large tree sits encircled by fountain of blue water, surrounded by a variety of flowers. From the second story, he can see three men clad in black. The Knights. His Knights. Some of them, anyway. T’Chal Ren, Ean Ren, Vanisa Ren. By his last count there should be a total of seven other nights still alive. Unless something happened during the attack on Starkiller that Ren has yet to learn. They don’t acknowledge his presence outright, but he can sense they know he is here watching them. Ren was never good at reading minds, not without significant practice and effort. Not like Snoke can, or like Master Luke could. Shaking the memory from his head, he looks down to see more knights arrive in the courtyard, along with Hux.

They are dragging Hux along, his boots scraping in the dirt of the courtyard in an attempt to stop them. He’s not crying out, not pleading or arguing, but he does resist. When Seana Ren and Tenz Ren let him go, he drops on his hands and knees in the dirt. Ren grips the bannister of the balcony tightly, debating on whether or not running to Hux’s side would help or hinder his chances. Duchat Ren and Rebel Ren come around with the rest of the Knights to form a circle around his fallen General.

Ren leaves the balcony and runs down the nearest steps, bursting into the courtyard and approaching his Knights with his saber out. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Supreme Leader ordered us to punish him,” Duchat says.

“Don’t worry, _Master_ Ren,” Tenz replies, her voice dripping with distaste for her leader. “We were specifically told not to kill him.”

Ren holds his lightsaber up to her throat, close enough that she can feel its burning heat through the layers of black fabric covering her neck. “You will all leave now.”

“Supreme Leader warned us this would happen,” she replies. “Your allegiance is waning, Master. Perhaps it is time for someone else to become Master of the Knights of…Tenz. I rather like the sound of that.”

“Oh do you?” Ren says, raising his lightsaber and bringing it down through Tenz. Her head hits the ground before her body does and rolls near Hux. His General sneers at the masked head and spits on it, moving to stand.

“Stay down,” T’Chal kicks Hux in the side, knocking the wind of out him.

Ren is about to send his saber through T’Chal’s chest when his body is stopped. Both Ean and Rebel are combining their strength to still him. He fights back but is unable to move. One of his favorite little tricks being used against him, he thinks in Hux’s voice. Hux, now laying on his side and curling up to protect his body from the blows delivered by the other Knight’s boots. Vanisa and Ean stand him up and begin ripping his great coat and jacket from him. It’s only now that Ren notices Hux’s gloves and hat are gone. Standing there motionless, Ren finds himself filled with the urge to find his hat and gloves and return them to him. He tries fighting against the Force holding him still but isn’t very successful.

All he can do is watch as Hux is stripped down to his regulation undergarment and thrown back into the dirt. One of the Knights uses the Force to knock him over, a second to blow dust in his face. His hands come up around his throat as he is being choked. He gasps and pants when he can get a breath in, refusing to make eye contact with any of them. Especially Ren. He watches as the Force grip is released from his throat and he scrambles to stand. He covered in mud made from sweat and dirt, red abrasions littering his body from being flung against the gritty floor of the courtyard. Now a neck mottled with red marks from an invisible hand.

“Have, you…quite…enough?” Hux yells between strained breaths.

The Knights laugh as one of them uses the Force to send Hux flying onto his back in the fountain. Ean and Vanisa approach Hux and pull him out of the water, laughing quietly. The each grab him by an arm and lead him off into the citadel, presumably to some awful barracks. The rest of the Knights circle around Ren, who is still caught in the Force hold. It takes two of them do to what he can do so easily, yet they think they can destroy him.

“We live to serve, Master Ren,” Rebel says. “We are your Knights.”

“But we serve at the leadership of the Supreme Leader,” Duchat reminds. “And he has ordered you punished as well.”

Ren laughs. “You put on a show when tossing the General around like an old rag, but he’s merely human with no powers. Do you really expect to be able to punish me?”

“We have our orders,” Rebel says. “Surely you can understand this.”

“You serve ME,” Ren shouts, scared. “You are MY Knights!” His shouting distorts the voice modulator in his helmet and makes him sound almost squeaky, which only makes him more furious. “You will OBEY ME!”

Everyone stills and watches the young boy, the conduit, walk into the courtyard and approach Ren. “These Knights share your name, but they are not yours. The serve me, my young apprentice. Just as you serve me. You failed me, as did your General. However, I believe you can both learn from your mistakes and atone for your shortcomings. The General has his own training to do.”

The boy waves his hand and Ren falls to his knees, free from the Force bind his Knights had him in. He tries to stand but can’t, somehow bound in another Force bind. The child steps back and sits on the edge of the fountain as Ren’s Knights begin to assault him. Snoke is very powerful to be able to keep Ren’s powers under this bind while the others abuse him. The rip off his helmet, tear his clothing from his body until he is clad only in his regulation undergarments. Ren braces himself for the pain he saw Hux go through but finds it much worse. They use the Force to apply pressure to his bowcaster wound, slap and punch him in the face and stomach and choke him, all while he is on all fours unable to brace or fight back.

~

“Ben, honey, come here.”

Ben puts his toy ship down and runs over to his mommy’s lap. “Mommy, I was _playing_.”

“I know. I wanted to tell you about someone very special who is coming to live here.” Mommy runs her hand over Ben’s hair and it feels so nice. He cuddles into her warmth and suddenly taking a break from his toys is not so bad. “His father is an old, dear friend of your daddy’s.”

“Is Daddy coming home?” Ben asks. “Is Uncle Chewie coming with him?”

“Yes, they are. They are bringing with them Daddy’s friend. His name is Kes and he is very, very nice.”

“Will he play with me?” Ben asks.

Mommy looks down at him with that sad look. “He just lost someone very special to him, so he is very sad. We need to be very happy and cheer him up.”

“I can do that, mommy! I will draw him a picture of the city so he knows all the best places to visit.”

“That’s very nice of you, honey. He has a little boy too. He’s a few years older than you, but he just lost someone very special too. Can you be nice to him and make him happy?”

Ben gets a very serious look on his face. “Is this a mission?”

His mother smiles. “Yes, Ben Solo. This is a mission.”

“Senator,” C3PO walks into the room. “Master Solo and his companions have docked and should be here momentarily.”

“Should we go meet them?” Mommy asks.

Ben jumps off her lap and grabs his favorite toy ship—it’s a Falcon just like his Daddy’s---and takes her hand. They walk through the sitting room and into the common hallway until they arrive at an elevator. It takes them up to the pad on the roof of the building. Here in the capitol, all the building have pads on top for small transport ships to dock. Daddy says it’s because the other senators don’t want to touch the ground. It’s silly, but it makes Mommy laugh every time.

When the walk out to the pad, Ben sees his Daddy and lets go of Mommy’s hand. “DADDY!” He runs into his father’s arms.

“Hey there, kiddo,” Daddy says, squeezing him tight. “Miss me?”

“I always miss you, every time!” Ben squeals when his Daddy sets him down.

Ben hugs Chewie’s furry leg and gets hair in his mouth when he kisses it. Chewie grunts and purrs, telling Ben it is good to be home. “I missed you too, Uncle Chewie!”

“Ben,” his Mommy touches his shoulder. “These are our friends. They will be living in the apartment in our building.”

The grown-up is tall, with short dark hair and dark skin, much darker than his. He has brown eyes that look sad. Like when Mommy is crying after Daddy has been gone too long. He’s wearing a brown leather jacket with red patches near each shoulder. He kneels down. “Hi, Ben, I’m Kes.”

Ben holds out his free hand to shake the man’s, something his Mommy told him was polite. “How do you know my name?”

“Your Daddy told me about you on our trip here,” Kes stands back up. “I have a boy, a little older than you.”

From behind Kes peeks a boy with his same dark eyes. His skin isn’t as dark, and his hair is softer, curlier like Ben’s. Mommy said he was older, but he isn’t that much taller than him. Ben smiles and holds out his toy to the boy.

“This is a present for you! Welcome to our city!”

The boy looks up at his father and back to Ben, moving out from behind Kes to take the toy. He examines it carefully. “It looks like Mr. Solo’s ship.”

“It IS! My Daddy’s ship is FAMOUS! It stopped the war against THE EMPIRE!” Ben says excitedly.

“My daddy fought in that war too,” the boy replies.

“My name is Ben. What’s your name?”

“Poe.”

~

Ren wakes up aching on a cold stone floor. He looks down at his body to see it clad in the same grey robe as the child Snoke was using to speak through. His head aches and his wounds pulse in pain. He groans and holds his forehead as he sits up. He wishes he could knock the dream from his head, the memory of meeting that pilot. It’s just due to his thought about the children, that’s all. His fear of meeting his fate at the hands of those that Ben Solo loved so dearly. That’s all it is.

“I checked you while you were asleep, you appear to be in working order.” Hux mutters. “Stop complaining.”

He looks up to see Hux dressed the same, sitting with his back to the wall opposite him. He has his left knee up and his left wrist setting on it. Ren notices the bruising on his neck, his cheek scraped. His hair, previously wet from the fountain, has now dried and is shaggy over his forehead. Ren finds it endearing. He has only seen Hux’s hair fall from place during their encounters, only too quickly smoothed over when Hux noticed his appearance had shifted. Even when they were young, Brendol Hux was always well groomed and put together. Not now, not in these rags.

“Brendol,” Ren begins, crawling towards him.

He puts up a hand and locks eyes with Ren. “Don’t. You see what is happening here, don’t you?”

“Snoke said he wouldn’t kill you,” Ren begins from his spot now in the middle of the room.

“Reconditioning.” Hux swallows, looking away from Ren and starting out the small window at the top of the room. “You are already the strongest of your Knights, so Snoke finds you too valuable.”

“What did you tell him?” Ren asks.

“I told him what he needed to hear.” Hux looks to Ren. “He finds my ability to work with you towards the common goal admirable. A trait that he does not wish wasting the time to find in another.”

“Did you tell him the reason why that is?” Ren smirks, despite his current situation.

“Your pleading back there was terribly pathetic.” Hux smirks back. “Appreciated, but pathetic.”

“Snoke’s reconditioning will not be like yours,” Ren sighs, moving back to his own wall. “He’ll use the Knights and the Force to completely shatter us both. They can’t reach into your mind, but he can.”

“The Knights are gone. It is just us and a handful of those…children.” Hux closes his eyes and leans his head back. “One of them came by earlier and told us to wait here for further instructions.”

“Are we?”

“I fully intent to, Kylo.”

Ren nods. “Yes, Sir.”

He fights the urge to get on his knees when Hux smiles.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I made up names for the other Knights since we know so little canonically.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their training, or is it punishment, begins.

Ren is awakened by a knock at the door. Somehow he was expecting Hux, or even Snoke, but instead he finds one of the children. Wearing the same sack he is. It angers him that Snoke can’t be bothered to come here himself. How is Ren supposed to complete his training with nothing but _children_ seeing to his education? It’s absurd and insulting. It amuses him, only slightly, that Hux is suffering the same infantilization. Then again, Ren has managed to keep him alive, and if they have the chance alone perhaps he will show Ren his gratitude. Ren would let him take out his frustrations on his body if that’s what he needs. Gladly. If Ren was honest with himself, he needs it too. At least with Hux he knows where he stands.

“Supreme Leader asks that you eat in the main hall with the General.” The child keeps his eyes locked on the floor.

“And after?” Ren asks.

“Supreme Leader will give me further instructions for you. Follow me.”

Ren closes the door behind him and follows the child to Hux’s room. When Hux opens the door he locks eyes with Ren. His hair is matted to one side of his face and he has the makings of rusty stubble. As much as Ren craves their dynamic, his submission and Hux’s control, he finds himself attracted to this new side of Hux. A vulnerability. Ren feels a new-found power in being able to protect and comfort his General. Although he can only assume Hux is equally humiliated about losing his status between them. _You’ll always be my General, the one I serve_ Ren would like to say.

“Supreme Leader asks that you eat in the main hall with Master Ren,” the child says.

Hux looks at the child with a level of distaste only carefully guarded. “As the Supreme Leader requests.”

Hux walks side by side with Ren as they follow the child to the main hall, where two stone bowls filled with some sort of porridge sit side by side at the end of a long table. Each bowl is adorned with a simple spoon and paired with a matching steaming cup of tea. They both take their seat and begin eating in silence. The food is bland, but warm. The tea is weak, but hot. Ren is surprised at how hungry Hux is, practically inhaling his portion. He wonders if Hux has given up appearances in front of Ren and these children now.

They finish and wait in silence, afraid to speak to each other in fear of reprimand or punishment from Snoke. Ren looks around the room and starts to fantasize about walking through its doors in his uniform, slaughtering all of his Knights as they ate their final meal around the table. He pictures himself sprayed with blood when General Hux strides in, a smile on his face and a whip in his hand, eager to give Ren what he’s been craving. He shakes the thoughts quickly—such fantasies are dangerous around the Supreme Leader. While he is certain that Snoke knows about his affinity for Hux, he would be careful to ensure that Ren’s allegiance doesn’t shift. Perhaps Snoke appreciates that Ren is able to submit to Hux and get his more physical needs met and doesn’t really care. Unlikely. What Ren told Hux is true, his allegiance is with Hux. But he also knows he cannot remain to be loyal to Hux without having at least some loyalty to Snoke. It’s a dangerous game Ren is playing in his mind, but one that he’s in too deep to stop now. Ren has always played in dangerous games, hovered the line. It’s a high that he chases and indulges.

The child returns. “Follow me.”

Both men rise and follow the child outside. The gravel is course and Ren notices Hux slow down, having to travel with bare feet. He supposes that Hux probably hates this more than being beaten the day before. Indeed it’s unpleasant, but Ren has encountered far more unpleasant sensations during his training and expects far worse to happen even before the end of the day. They follow this child behind the citadel and through a small canyon between two hills and emerge at a large pile, nearly a story high, of stones. Each one is about the size of Ren’s head and all of them jagged. The child stops and turns to face them.

“General, each of these stones are to be moved to another pile on the other side of the canyon. You are to move only one at a time.”

He can hear Hux swallow. “Understood.”

“Master Ren, you are to use the Force to turn each stone to dust once the General has brought it to you.”

“Fine.”

“I am ordered to return with water at mid-day. You are permitted to come back to the citadel at nightfall, eat, and sleep before returning in the morning should you need more time to finish.”

Ren waits for the child to leave before turning to Hux. “I’ll wait at the other end of the canyon.”

“Delightful,” Hux spits, walking towards the pile of rocks.

The walk to the other side of the canyon takes about five minutes by his own judgement. Each one of those stones is easily ten to twenty pounds. Hux is going to be hauling them for days. Ren has only about a minute to settle himself on a large rock before Hux shows up, carrying a rock that is easily thirty pounds. Ren doesn’t offer to help, he was told to turn them to dust. He waits until Hux drops the stone about five feet in front of him on the ground, panting, before speaking.

“Right, bring me the biggest one first,” he says. Knowing he will need more focus to pulverize the larger ones.

“If I bring all the heaviest ones to you when I am the least tired, the light ones will feel like air in comparison,” he claps the dust from his hands. “I could care less about your super special dust-making powers.”

Ren huffs. “You never did understand the Force.”

“I have about two hundred more rocks, I don’t have time for this.” Hux turns around and leaves.

“Always a General,” Ren says to himself, settling in and looking at the rock.

Ren has always preferred manipulating objects as opposed to forcing himself inside of another’s mind. Pushing into a non-Force user’s mind is surprisingly difficult and it takes a lot of his physical and Force energy to do so. He secretly detests when prisoners don’t break after the physical beatings from the Stormtroopers because he would rather avoid it. He shakes the memory of reading Poe’s—the Pilot’s--mind for the location of the droid when an image of a small, grey stone pops into view. The way he pressed it into Poe’s palm that day in the forest. The first object he moved with his mind. No, the first object Ben moved with his mind. At the Academy. So long ago.

“Having trouble Lord Ren?” Hux comments, dropping another large rock next to the first.

“Focusing the Force takes a considerable amount of patience, your comments are a hindrance to our progress.” He closes his eyes and listens to Hux leave without another word.

Ren clears his mind and tries to focus on the rock, but Rey continues to appear to him in the void. He recalls being fearful that she would crack under the physical pressure and that he would not get to learn more about her apparent strength. He should have known even before he looked into her mind who she was. He was clouded by anger at the Resistance for thwarting him at every turn. He was preoccupied with finding Han Solo, that he knows now. Ren wanted clarity in his path and was looking for Han to give it to him.

He’s not quite sure that his death did.

“That makes three failures, Ren,” Hux says, throwing another rock to the ground. “Please, take your time my Lord.”

“You would do best to focus on your own work, General,” Ren replies with his eyes tightly closed.

Hux retreats quietly and Ren clears his mind. He quickly imagines the individual specks of sand that make up each rock and separating them from each other. He holds his hand out before him, moving from a fist to splayed fingers, if only in effect for himself. Even with his eyes closed it amuses him. Ren hears cracking and smells the finer dust brought to his nose by the breeze and knows the job is done. His body tingles at the slight exertion, and by the time Hux returns with another rock it’s already dissipated.

“Good,” Hux huffs, slamming another rock down into the dust. The cloud obscures him from view for a moment. When it settles, Hux coughs. “I don’t suppose you could turn the dust to water?”

“Stop wasting your time,” Ren says, feeling utterly humiliated by the ease of this task for him and the sheer physical strain of it for Hux. This isn’t training, it’s further punishment. Although he supposes they deserve it.

It’s tedious work, but it requires him to clear his mind and focus on it so that he may please Hux by having the rocks gone by the time the next one arrives. For several hours, Ren manages to focus solely on pulverizing and waiting for the next stone that he doesn’t know the water has arrived until Hux taps his knee and offers him the pail. He tilts the pail to his lips and drinks deeply before handing it back.

“That’s yours, I drank my half while you were still meditating,” Hux says.

Ren smiles into the pail as he brings it back up to finish the water. It’s warm and the last gulps have grit in them. He spits out the grit and hands the bucket back to Hux, who sets it on the ground.

“The child left already. You’ll take it back when we return,” Hux says. “I’m getting back to work.”

“How many are left?” Ren asks, stretching his legs from his spot on the rock.

“Too many. We’ll be here tomorrow as well,” Hux says, walking away. He gets about five steps ahead before pausing and turning back. “How are you doing? Energy waning?”

“My super special powers are just fine, thank you,” Ren replies, crossing his legs and closing his eyes.

He waits until he can no longer hear Hux shuffling through the dirt in his bare feet before trying to reach back into his state of meditation. He waits for the rock and considers Rey for a moment before the real reason why he prefers to stay out of the minds of others takes over his mind. The Pilot. Despite what many, including Hux, may think, Ren is not opposed to hard work or exertion. It’s because of _him_. He tries to shake the thought but it rings loud like two stones clanging together, splashing into still water, and sinking to the bottom.

~

Ben pretends he doesn’t notice Poe’s mouth open, watching the rock floating over the lake. He holds his hand in the air—mostly for the effect but partially because his energy is focused on not falling apart—and points it at the rock. Ben images his arm is extending all the way to the rock and he’s physically moving it. He watches Poe from his peripheral vision look at him in wonder and then back to the rock.

“Watch this,” Ben says.

Ben raises his other arm and soon a second rock is floating over towards the first, but much faster. Ben breaks his gaze away from the stones long enough to watch Poe’s reaction as they crash together, the second sending the first one skipping several times over the surface of the water before both rocks sink under the glassy surface.

“Holy crap!” Poe says, patting Ben on the shoulder. “That’s much better than last time.”

Ben smiles. “I’ve been working on it for you. I know how cool you think it is which I levitate things. Happy sixteenth Birthday, Poe Dameron.”

Poe pulls Ben into a hug. “Thanks, Ben Solo.”

He loves how Poe says his name. Loves, right? He’s sure that’s the right word. Loves. Love. He embraces his best friend and feels his nose in the crook of his neck. Suddenly, Ben is self conscious of the way he smells. He hates that soap that Master Luke buys for the padawans at the school. Of course his friends think it’s really fancy but they are so easily impressed by everything Master Luke does it’s bordering on worship. At least that’s what Snoke told him. No, not now. Don’t think of him now, he tells himself. Think of Poe and the birthday present Ben promised he wouldn’t back out of giving him again this year.

“I got you something,” Ben says softly, still holding Poe.

“Just coming on this camping trip is enough,” Poe replies. Ben knows he can feel his heart pounding in his chest. It hits him in that moment that he can feel his own heart pounding as if he was Poe. The feedback is almost maddening, but Poe doesn’t let on. He must not feel it.

Ben parts from Poe, but keeps his hands on Poe’s arms. “It’s just a small cake. Master Skywalker and I went to a small planet just outside of the Keptar System a few days ago and had this. I thought you’d like it.”

“I know I will,” Poe smiles.

They part and Poe follows Ben the dozen steps from the shore back to their fire and tent. Poe takes a seat on the blanket in front of the fire while Ben disappears into the tent for a moment. He considers the feedback and wonders if this means that Poe feels that same gut feeling when they are together? That same sorrow when they part? Is it just like the book? Love. Loves. Right?

Ben grabs the box and leaves the tent, realizing that of course he forgot plates. “I forgot to bring anything else for serving it, so we’ll just have to take our forks and it from the box.”

Poe takes a fork from Ben and waits for Ben to sit down next to him before diving in for the cake. When Poe takes that first bite Ben is convinced he can taste it too. The spice and fresh bread flavor. Of course he’s tasted it before, so it could be memory, but it feels more vivid. More authentic than a mere replay of the past. He feels the groan in Poe’s throat before it comes out of his mouth.

“This is amazing.”

He considers where to go from here. Ben takes a bite and nods. “Better than the first time I had it.” He looks over to Poe, suddenly feeling as if this is the most natural course of events in the galaxy. “You have frosting on your cheek.”

Ben puts his fork down and reaches up to Poe’s cheek, wiping the frosting away. Poe stops chewing and turns to look at Ben. He sweeps his thumb over Poe’s cheek and feels Poe’s eyes lock with his as if they were physically connected to each other.  His nervousness is amplified ten-fold in Poe and somehow they cancel each other out, leaving nothing but the next step between them. They both hold their breaths as Ben cups Poe’s jaw in his hand. Poe is the one who acts first, Ben senses he’s about to do it before he actually does. Poe leans in closer. Ben leans in response.

Using every measure of the Force in a way he has never manipulated it before, Ben makes them stop for a moment. Makes the feeling hang heavy in the air. He digs himself into Poe’s head and through his eyes and sees himself in a shower of warmth. This is how Poe sees him and for once, for once since he was a child, he feels beautiful. He lets the moment last one more second before sliding out of Poe’s head and pressing their lips together. The warmth dances over breath coated with spice and frosting. The cake box slides to the ground and forks clatter into the dirt. Poe reaches his hands up to Ben’s face to keep him there. So many times they have said goodbye and it has hurt him, Ben reads, that he isn’t going to let go.

Not this time.

~

He opens his eyes to find the sun lower in the sky. No stone in sight. Something is not right. He jumps off from his perch and begins to walk down the canyon towards the pile. He was not told he couldn’t go to the pile, and if something is truly wrong it would behoove him to make it right. Ren doesn’t get halfway through the canyon when he sees Hux on the ground ahead.

“Hux,” he runs to his side, kneeling beside him. “What happened?”

“Dropped the stone on my foot,” he winces, sitting up. “I was just…trying to give myself a minute.”

“It’s been near two hours by what I can tell,” Ren looks at his foot and sees his left toe bloody and swollen. “Only hit your toe.”

“No shit, Ren,” Hux huffs. “Would you move so I can stand?”

“I’ll move the rocks, you sit,” Ren says, moving towards the stone.

“You will do no such thing,” Hux says, groaning as he gets to his feet. He tries to hide his pain but stands anyway. “I was ordered to complete a task.”

“You can’t…”

“Ren.”

He stops and stands, leaving the stone on the ground. “I could try. To heal you.”

Hux looks at him, curious. “You can do that?”

“I’ve never tried it. When it’s done to heal others, it’s called Force Purification. I read about it as a child but Luke Skywalker didn’t teach it. Neither did Snoke. I’ve never really tried to purposely heal myself either, although a Force user’s energy does some of that naturally without effort.” Ren looks at Hux’s toe. “I could try.”

“And waste time? No, I can keep going.”

“You can barely walk, you’ll never finish at this rate,” Ren kneels down and looks up. “Sit.”

Hux stands there with his hands on his hips for a moment before looking away and sitting down. He offers his injury to Ren. “Fine.”

A sudden realization hits him. He has no idea how to do this. Does he touch Hux? Does he hold out his hand? He settles cross-legged and pulls Hux’s leg into his lap. He holds Hux’s toes gently in his hands and closes his eyes. Perhaps it’s the opposite of pulverizing the stones. Instead of imagining things fall apart he pictures them coming together. Steadying himself, he starts to breathe calmly and focus his energy.

Ren begins to envision cells of bone seeking each other, pulling together like magnets and stitching into place. The molecules slide over the cracks where the breaks in bone meet to smooth them over and erase any evidence of injury. Ren is panting now as he sees microscopic fibers of nerve glue together and weave throughout the tissue. Blood vessels crushed by the stone begin to re-inflate, red blood cells pushing to patch up the holes created by the compression. Tendons extend from the base of the toe back to the knuckle as if they were growing blades of grass on high-speed. Ren is shaking and he feels sweat dripping from his brow. His own healing wounds, while mostly scarred over now, begin to ache and throb. He pushes through, thinking of soft tissue merge back together to give Hux’s toe is former shape. Finally, he imagines the skin healing over, the small canyons of the pad of the toe finding each other seamlessly.

“Ren,” Hux says. “That child is back.”

Ren opens his eyes to see the child standing over them, the sky nearly dark. “It is time to go,” the child says.

He looks down and opens his hands, finding Hux’s toe in the same injured condition as it was before he began. “It didn’t work…”

“Stand,” the child says.

Ren does so, reaching a hand out to help Hux up when the child shakes his head. “Lord Ren, you have failed. Allow me to demonstrate.”

He swallows the dry lump in his throat, knowing that voice was from the Supreme Leader. Hux looks at his toe with wide eyes as it almost instantly heals before him. Snoke didn’t have to touch or reach out. Didn’t have to close his eyes or focus. And all through a conduit. Ren suddenly feels a rage at this amazing power that he doesn’t possess. He failed his General and Snoke just swooped in from wherever he was and healed Hux. He balls his fists at his sides and exhales deeply. With his entire body aching and sore, his mouth dry and his ego wounded, he brings up a hand to knock the child to the ground but stops himself.

“You can try again tomorrow, follow this child back to the citadel,” Supreme Leader says through the child.

Ren offers a hand to Hux to help him up, and he takes it, meeting awestruck eyes for a few moments before letting go.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke’s punishment continues, but Ren begins to make progress. Hux gives him the reassurance he needs to continue his training.

The next day brings more of the same, except both Hux and Ren are convinced there were more rocks on the pile that they left the night before. Ren has never seen Hux more upset as he drops off his first rock and disappears back through the canyon to the pile. Ren focuses on the rocks as they are delivered, finding his side of the chore boring and not at all a training to expand his ability to use the Force to crush the Resistance. Snoke must think him to be a fool, and it digs away like a bug trying to get its pincers through tough skin. Ren knows there is something more to this exercise, there has to be, but he cannot understand what.

When the child returns with the water bucket, Hux stays with him, sitting on the rock next to him with his long legs dangling down over the side, just barely skirting the dust below. They pass the bucket back and forth, taking sips.

“I don’t understand,” Ren says, passing the bucket to Hux. “I am failing you.”

“How are you failing me today, Ren?” Hux takes it and drinks. “You are doing what the Supreme Leader asked you to do.”

“If I am to complete my training, I should be learning to do what I cannot already do,” Ren looks over to Hux and takes the bucket. “I can destroy these rocks just as you can carry them.”

“Perhaps he means to continue to punish us,” Hux says as Ren drinks. “Perhaps this is a test of our ability to survive.”

“He’s tested me that way before,” Ren says, shuddering at the days following the destruction of the Jedi Academy.

“Me too,” Hux says, taking the bucket and a slow drink. “Although I suppose he may just be trying to make us go insane with this busywork. Perhaps it’s a mental test rather than a physical one.”

With nothing better to offer, Ren takes the bucket and the last drink, again filled with grit which he spits back out into the dry sand. He feels foolish in front of Hux now, which at least is comfortable territory. Through all of their scenes together, Hux has never exposed him in front of others. He is doing Ren the same grace now, but it is Snoke who is exposing him to the desert. To these children he uses as conduits and housekeepers. What Ren would not give for the opportunity to demonstrate his power and prove to Snoke that he is fit to continue the fight against the Light Side. Because he is, even if he underestimated Rey, the Stormtrooper, and Poe. He knows now what he must do. He just wishes that Snoke would be present so he could convince him.

“I’m going back to work,” Hux says. He turns to face Ren and puts his hand on Ren’s knee if only for a brief moment. “Thank you for doing as you are told.”

“Yes, Sir,” Ren replies.

Once Hux is no longer in view, Ren closes his eyes and tries to focus his energy. He listens as Hux brings a stone and turns it to dust right in front of him, showing off just a little. He cracks open an eye to see a smirk on Hux’s lips meaning he is pleased with Ren’s work. They continue on like this for another two hours before Hux doesn’t return. Ren grows worried but doesn’t let as much time pass as yesterday before he walks down the canyon and towards the pile of rocks.

As before, Hux is on the ground grunting through his teeth as he holds a bloody foot. It’s the other foot this time, and more of his toes are bleeding red drops into the sand. Ren drops to the ground in front of Hux and cradles his foot in his lap, examining the damage.

“I’m going to try again,” Ren says.

“Just wait for the…child…” Hux grunts, “to get back. Carry those rocks for us. I’m not coming back to the same pile in the morning.”

“Brendol,” Ren says quietly. “Surely we’ll both be punished further if I do.”

Hux lays back onto the dirt and fists his hands, hitting the sand as Ren envelops his foot in his own big hands. He pictures the same act of healing bone, nerves, vessels, tendons and tissues but this time he sends so much more of the Force through it. He tries to touch Hux’s mind to assure him but is met with anger.

“OUT OF MY HEAD!” Hux screams.

“It’s…the healing, I have too…” Ren apologizies.

“You know…better…” Hux gasps. “You will pay for that.”

“Yes, General,” Ren says, snapping back his Force energy and feeling like he did as a child when he was scolded for eating too many cookies before dinner. No, that was Ben, he shakes from his head.

Ren continues to send every ounce of his power into the injured toes beneath his hand, groaning and sweating and near verge of passing out when he hears footsteps in the dust near them. He opens his eyes to see a child standing before them.

“Did it work this time?” the child asks.

Ren opens his hands to find the only thing he did was stop the bleeding. “I need more time,” he replies.

The child waves a hand in the air and Hux’s foot is healed instantly. Hux sits up and pulls it away from Ren, examining his body as if it were brand new to him. “Ren…” he says. “You stopped the bleeding this time.”

Ren looks down at the dust around them, seeing that the blood from his injury remains there and on Ren’s cloth sack. The only evidence of the rock falling on Hux’s foot. He puts a hand over the cloth and imagines the blood lifting from it. He concentrates as hard as he can but eventually the headache is too great and he stops. He was able to turn it from a bright red wet pool to a dark brown stain. Progress. “See, Supreme Leader,” he says to the child. “I can.”

“You are done failing for today, Master Ren. You can return to the rocks again tomorrow.”

~

On the third day, Ren is prepared. He doesn’t bother to waste energy or focus on turning the rocks into dust. He wants to be prepared in case Hux hurts himself again. He knows that breaking them into dust doesn’t take as much energy as he thought and he could easy destroy the entire pile at the end of the day if he needs to. Even though he’s sure that Hux will be especially careful today, he wants to make sure he is prepared. With each rock he brings, Hux chastises Ren for his choice.

“How dare you expect me to fail again, Lord Ren,” Hux spits as he drops a rock particularly hard onto the pile. “If you were one of my crew I would throw you into reconditioning for such insubordination.”

He doesn’t respond, but he knows it to be true. General Hux is known to treat most of his officers quite well and with due respect. Those who follow the rules of his command and demonstrate loyalty to the First Order are valuable. They reduce the amount of effort needed to keep them in line and demonstrate an increased efficiency. Many of his subordinates take pride in their work, which too is a valuable trait that Hux knows to protect. At least that’s what Ren has observed over the years.

General Hux also has a very strict rule about insubordination and treachery. Those who offend are often treated harshly. Reconditioning in the First Order is a process that the General has perfected over the past ten years. Ren knows about the blue and the pink and their various effects on the bodies of those subjected to them. The General believes that even putting a young Stormtrooper through the process can be a very valuable example to the rest of them and well worth the time and resources it takes to successfully recondition them. Ren knows that it’s an attitude passed down from his father, but Hux refuses to discuss it. Hux refuses to discuss many things about his rise through the First Order, but Ren knows that it started back at that Jedi Academy all those years ago.

This time, Ren can hear Hux scream echo through the canyon.

By the time he arrives to the pile of rocks, he finds Hux on the ground next to the pile. A small avalanche must have happened, for his arm is pinned by at least six rocks. He’s on his side, eyes shut tight and gritting his teeth. Ren wastes no time in using the Force to move the rocks off of Hux. Once he’s free, Ren picks him up and carries him away from the pile into a shadow cast by the canyon. His General is in considerable pain and tears stream down his face. Ren wants to erase them, ease his mind so badly, but he knows it would only upset him. Instead he cups his face in one hand and wipes the hair plastered to his forehead with sweat away.

“What happened?” Ren asks, looking down at Hux’s very purple and awkwardly bent arm. The bone of the forearm pokes through the skin, a brilliant yellowish-white shining through the red blood slowly oozing out around it.

“I…I tripped into the pile. I felt something under me tripping me…I put my hands out…” he opens his eyes. “Nothing was there.”

“I’m going to do it this time,” Ren says.

He doesn’t let go of Hux’s face. His other hand hovers his arm, focusing first on trying to slow the bleeding. With his previous attempts at envisioning the body repairing itself having failed, Ren instead focuses on his memory of Hux’s arm as a whole. He pictures the yellowish white bone as one length, nestled inside the arm next to its counterpart. Ren pictures the muscle and tissue that make up Hux’s arm. It’s lean and long, but certainly not weak. The skin covers the whole. Pale and mottled with freckles, Ren imagines the taste of it under his tongue and the texture of the fine hairs catching on his taste buds as he would lick the skin. He can practically smell Hux’s unique scent.

When Ren opens his eyes, he sees the blood gone. The bone is still sticking out of the skin and his arm is still bent and bruised, but the blood is gone. Ren gasps and looks back into Hux’s eyes. “I’ve…done something. The blood, it’s gone.”

Hux looks down to see Ren’s progress. “It…keep trying.”

Ren locks eyes with his General before leaning down to kiss him. It’s soft and quick and Hux reciprocates. Ren presses his forehead to Hux’s, keeps a hand on his cheek and the other hovering over the broken arm and closes his eyes. He shares breath with Hux as he continues to imagine Hux’s arm as a whole, feeling every bit of his Force power draining out of him.

Flashes of Han Solo standing before him on the walkway invade his mind. The feeling of his father’s hand on his lightsaber. That moment which Ren made the choice to turn it on. A moment that he struggled with for one second too long, a moment that he wasn’t even sure would happen. He can feel his father’s hand on his face and his misses him. He misses his father. It was the wrong choice. Surely he could still take over the galaxy without having killed his father. He cries, tears dropping onto Hux as he struggles to imagine his arm whole. Poe jumps into his mind. He sees the smile on Poe’s face after the first time they made love in the woods. The way he would kiss him softly after they would have sex, resting his head on Ben’s chest.

Not Ben. Ren. Kylo Ren. Master. Lord.

His eyes shoot open and he looks down at Hux’s arm. Many of the bruises have faded, but they are still there. The bone is still poking through the skin. Ren tries to focus again but he can’t feel anything. No Force, no energy. He’s completely drained. He’s only felt this way a few times when he was younger, first learning his skills, and showing off for Poe or his parents. He hadn’t learned to nurture it yet and would be completely empty after one of his little tricks. He looks at Hux, who looks back at him with what he can only describe as fear.

“I can’t…it’s gone. My power is…”

“Drained?” Hux asks.

Ren nods, pulling away from Hux. He scoots back so his back is against the wall of the canyon and brings his knees to his chest, hugging his arms around them tightly. He’s let his power go and now his past and his choices are starting to question themselves in his head. He thinks about his mother and her soft brown eyes. He always remembers her wearing a long white dress, one of her favorites, with her hair worn down long across her back. Ren thinks about Poe wearing his father’s jacket, and how it felt to dig into his mind for the map aboard the Finalizer. He remembers sliding through those memories and using his strength to avoid the familiarity of them while he searched for the map. He thinks about Rey, the small girl in the tower. How he came to visit her nearly every day in secret and how they would practice with her staff. He would show her how to lift things with her mind and she would draw pictures for him. He kept them all under his mattress in his room at the school. They got left behind that night when Kylo Ren destroyed everything.

“I see you have made some progress, Master Ren.”

He looks up to see one of the children standing over Hux. He wipes his face and stands, feeling like that young boy Snoke met all those years ago. “I failed.”

“I sense your Force energy is weak, very weak.” The child kneels over Hux’s arm. “You must learn how to embrace the aspects of the Light Side that are useful without letting it undermine your power.”

“What do you mean, Supreme Leader? Give me guidance,” Ren begs.

“Many sith have long thought that ultimate power comes from denying the Light Side. The truth is that ultimate power comes from using all tools available to you while not letting them get in your way,” the child waves his hand over Hux’s arm and it’s instantly healed. “You can try again tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to continue to hurt General Hux, surely I can practice on one of the children,” Ren asks. “He has his own training, does he not?”

The child looks to Ren and smiles. “I hope your power restores itself by morning.”

~

After dinner, Ren follows Hux back to their rooms. Ren puts his hand on the handle to his when Hux touches the small of his back and follows him inside. They close the door behind them and Ren instantly drops to his knees, resting his hands on Hux’s thighs. He looks up at Hux. “I failed you.”

“Shut your fucking mouth,” Hux says, backhanding him. Ren tastes his blood from a split lip and looks back up at him. “You serve me, not him.”

“I do.”

“I said shut your fucking mouth,” Hux kicks Ren in the stomach and moves to the bed. “Crawl over here.”

Giving himself two seconds to catch his breath, Ren complies. Inside he feels immense joy. Hux knows he is weakened and that these scenes are what gives him power. It reminds him of his place and who he serves. It’s where he feels safe. It’s a comfort place from which Ren can return to himself as he performs for his General. But he doesn’t smile, he wouldn’t dare. On another night, when not as much is a stake, Ren might push back a little. Give Hux the excuse to hit harder, cause more pain. But not tonight. They are both tired and weak in their own way, seeking a scene for comfort more than play.

“Suck my cock you fucking piece of shit,” Hu hisses, lifting his cloth sack and exposing himself.

Ren complies, taking the half-hard cock between his lips. Neither of them have bathed since they have arrived and with no underclothes, grit and dirt has traveled into all parts of their body. Grains of sand invade Ren’s mouth as he takes in his General’s sweat and dirt coated cock. He gags once at the taste, his protest met with Hux’s fingers tangling in his hair and shoving his face further into his crotch. Ren gags again at the invasion of Hux’s cock in his throat, but he relaxes and is able to swallow down most of the grit and dirt.

Hux finally lets him go and he continues to work on the cock in his mouth. He traces veins with his tongue, just as Hux prefers. He comes up for a little air and to work more spit in his mouth before nipping his teeth gently around the slit. For as much as Hux likes to give pain to Ren---and as much as Ren loves to receive it---he also enjoys a little bit of pain here and there. Hux grunts and bucks into his teeth so Ren does it again before sucking on the head and going back down. After a while, the sour taste of sweat doesn’t bother him and he can focus purely on giving pleasure.

“Off,” Hux says, pushing Ren’s shoulders hard enough to knock him back on his ass on the floor. He kneels next to Ren and grabs his hand, putting it over his throat. “Choke me.”

This isn’t the first time Hux has made this request, but it’s not common. The last time this happened was when Ren and his Knights were involved in a battle on Endor and one of the Knights was killed. Hux came to Ren’s room that night and whipped him until his ass bled. He made Ren prepare him with his tongue and rode him, asking Ren to use the Force to choke him until he came.

Ren complies, pressing his long fingers tightly over Hux’s throat. Hux gasps and reaches down to jerk his own cock. Every few strokes, Ren curls his fingers tighter and tighter. Hux’s face turns red but he continues to work his own cock. Just when Ren thinks Hux is about to pass out, he lets up and Hux whines through his orgasm, shooting come on the wooden floor between them. Hux falls back, his ass sitting on his heels, and regains some composure. Ren stays on his own knees awaiting his General’s next command. After a tense minute, Hux’s hands come up to Ren’s throat, both of them, and squeeze.

“Make yourself come you worthless fuck. If you don’t come before you pass out I’ll make sure you never come again.”

Ren’s hand shoots to his hard cock and begins to pump, twisting the wrist on each downstroke and thumbing the head on the way up. Hux’s hands waste no time in applying the maximum amount of pressure. Usually Ren is able to withstand being choked much longer due to the Force but in his weakened state he feels like he might not have much time. Hux’s own face is red with exertion, his eyes dark with intent and lust. Ren works his cock fast now, his body tingling and enjoying the anticipation of climax. He worries for just a moment that perhaps he is too weak to actually come, after everything that happened today, and Hux will leave him here unconscious on the floor. But he trusts Hux, Hux has choked him before but he always let up just in time. Just as Ren does.

Ren comes just as his vision starts to grey, shooting long ropes onto the floor between them. Hux waits until he’s done before he lets go. Ren falls to his hands, panting and feeling amazingly whole. This is what he needed, probably what they both needed. He closes his eyes and lets the warmth of his orgasm float through him, touching on all those old memories and fading them away. Right now he is Kylo Ren, in service to General Hux. His companion and colleague.

“Lick that up.”

Ren looks up at Hux, who is now standing above him with his arms crossed over his chest. Even without his uniform, or his boots, or his hair slicked back, his presence dominates so completely that Ren doesn’t even question. He leans down and dips his broad tongue into the pools of come, slow enough to avoid splinters from the wood floor. Once the floor is clean, he returns to his position on his knees.

“Come here, Kylo,” Hux says, his arms going to his sides and his voice softening.

Ren complies, wrapping his arms around Hux’s waist. Hux leans up for a soft but deep kiss, tasting the mix of them on Ren’s tongue. When the part, Ren finds himself feeling strong and at peace. “Brendol, I know what the lesson is.”

“Your training, you are being trained to heal,” he lowers his gaze and steps away from Ren. “I just wish I wasn’t the test subject.”

“I know the technique now, I just have to perfect it.” Ren says.

“My love,” Hux murmurs. “Take these teachings. These are things I cannot teach you. But they are valuable if we are to control the galaxy.” He comes back in for one last kiss. “Remember who you belong to.”

“You.”

Ren doesn’t feel as if his Force energy has returned to full strength, but he feels like himself. Grounded. Centered. He watches Hux leave his room before going over to the pitcher of water and drinking the entire thing before sliding into his bed. He closes his eyes and lets visions of planets exploding and traitors dying at the end of his blade fill his head, Ben’s old memories being shoved into closets and locked behind doors.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are great, lets me know people actually read this and don't just click on it. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren continues to follow orders, putting his General’s life on the line. A valuable lesson is learned, but is Ren ready to carry the burden of its cost?

Four more days.

The first day, they both refused to haul the rocks. When the child returned with the bucket of water, Snoke became furious and poured it into the sand before choking Hux until Ren finally agreed to do as he was ordered. The bruises were deep and Snoke healed him through the conduit and ordered them to continue with the task. They were weak with the lack of water, but they still spent the rest of the day hauling and destroying rocks. That night, Hux visited him in his room and kicked him until he couldn’t breathe, demanding that Ren no longer try to oppose Snoke.

The second day Hux tripped and hit his face on a rock, resulting in a broken cheek bone and nose. Ren was able to stop the bleeding and close the skin but he could not reset the bone. The third day, Hux breaks his foot again and Ren gets even closer, being able to heal the bone but not the skin and tissue. The fourth day, Hux breaks his hand. Ren finds himself increasingly frustrated as he was able to heal the skin and tissue but only set one of the many bones in his hand. Each day the child arrives and serves as Snoke’s conduit and finishes Ren’s work without a word, leading them back for dinner.

On the night after the fourth day of trying, Ren decides to meditate. He hasn’t done this in a very long time, always finding inaction inherently useless. It bothers him that even now he has to accept that there could be some level of value in literally sitting still and indulging the softer side of the Force. Luke insisted on meditation while Snoke never pressed the practice. Ren knows his energy is depleted after so many attempts at healing, even after that scene Hux gave him. There, that’s his focal point. Hux’s power and trust.

With his eyes closed, Ren lies on his back with his arms at his sides and pictures Hux. He’s in his full uniform standing over his bed. His hair is clean and slicked back and his face is tight. Hux intently stares at him, snarling his lip in disapproval. Ren imagines Hux leaning over and slapping him. Climbing on the bed and pressing a boot to his cock.

 _“You are so needy, Kylo,”_ Hux purrs in his fantasy. _“You have always been so needy.”_

 _“For you, I need you,”_ he replies, arching his hips into the boot to increase the pressure.

He imagines Hux removing his jacket and sliding into the bed next to him. Hux nuzzles his neck and plants sweet kisses on his jaw, trailing down his neck and back to his lips. It reminds Ren of their first times together when they would spend hours worshiping each other’s bodies. Ren begins to picture Hux as he was back at the Jedi Academy. His hair wasn’t slicked back then, he smiled more. He imagines Hux straddling him, hovering over him. He pulls his hair now, leans down and bites his neck. Hux cradles Ren’s throat in his leather-clad hand with just enough pressure for Ren to know who he belongs to.

The entire scene makes Ren unbelievably hard and before he realizes what he is doing he’s jerking himself off and coming in his hand. He bites his lip to avoid crying out with his orgasm. Ren disgustingly rubs his hand on the sheet below him and bites his lip even harder until it bleeds.

He can’t even meditate correctly.

He’s up and screaming now, throwing the ceramic water pitched across the room and listening to it shatter. He flips his bed over. He smashes his fist into the framed drawing of a lake on the water and doesn’t stop to feel the small cuts the glass leaves in his skin. Swinging the door open as hard as he can, he storms down the hall and begins to destroy everything in his wake. Ren doesn’t stop as he walks through the halls and down the stairs to the main sitting room. He picks up chairs and throws them against walls. At one point, he uses the Force to rip all the tapestries off the walls and send them flying into the courtyard. Ren doesn’t stop until the room is destroyed and he is screaming on his knees, glass and broken wood crunching under him.

“Ren.”

He stops and hangs his head, panting. He knows he is crying, he can feel the tears streaming down his face. Ren is afraid. He’s afraid he cannot please Snoke, that he will lose Hux and then his own life. Ren is terrified at what the failure of this training will cost him. He brings his cut and bloody hands to his face and cradles it, not knowing what else to do but to give up. Ren is not strong like Snoke believed. He can’t leave himself behind, he can’t focus. He is too concerned with his own interests. It will be his downfall.

“Ren,” Hux approaches, his own feet crunching over broken glass. He sets a hand on his back. “The Supreme Leader is just going to make us clean this up too.”

Ren lets Hux guide him back to his room. Hux’s room. He sits on the edge of the bed and stares at his hands. Blood marks the ridiculous sack he’s been forced to wear. His palms and fingers are cut and starting to sting. He looks down to his knees to see that they too are in similar shape and the sensation in his feet would indicate the same. In his periphery he sees Hux standing in front of him, hands at his sides.

“What are you doing?” Hux says, concerned. “Wasting your energy on a tantrum? How is this going to help us?”

Ren looks up at him, knowing how pathetic he is. Tears have stained the thick layer of grime and dust covering his body, his eyes are most likely red and his lip is still trembling. “I’m disgusting. Pathetic. I’m just a child. I’m not the Master, I am nothing.”

“You want me to disagree with you?” Hux asks. “Now, I’m going to fix your room.”

Ren hangs his head as Hux leaves, slamming the door behind him. He closes his eyes wishing he could open them and be somewhere else. Anywhere else. He pictures a blank expanse, nothing as far as his mind will stretch.  Ren’s mind floats through it and he feels what he can only think of as peace. He’s not even sure that’s what it is, but it reminds him of being a child. He used to play with his toys and feel nothing but contentment. He pushes past it and back to that space of nothing. Not even contentment. No anger or frustration or fear. Nothing.

His hands come into view, cut and bleeding. Glass and splinter shards fly out of the flesh and into the expanse. The cuts heal over seamlessly. His knees are next, followed by his feet. He’s now looking at himself standing in the expanse, without a wound on his body and his clothing free of blood stains.

“Ren?”

Ren opens his eyes to find Hux standing before him. Hux takes Ren’s hands in his own and examines them. “Kylo, you did it,” Hux says in near disbelief. He slides to his knees before him, caressing his healed knees and touching his healed feet with near reverence. He looks back up at Ren with wonder in his eyes. “How did you do this?”

He shakes his head. “I found where to start,” is all he can think to say. “Come here,” he holds out a hand to Hux.

Hux takes it. Ren stands and lays Hux down, sitting at the foot of the bed and taking both of Hux’s feet in his hands. Ren lets his mind go blank again, digging into the expanse for the beginning of everything. This time it is quicker and Hux’s feet as healed in minutes. Ren drags it out a bit longer, pretending he is still working when he’s really trying to think. These are just cuts and scrapes. Would he still be able to heal a broken bone? If he continued to train, could he bring back the dead?

Ren finally lets him go and stands. Hux actually smiles at him. “Sleep. You’ll need to demonstrate this to the Supreme Leader in the morning.”

“That is my intent,” Ren replies. “Have I pleased you?”

“Yes.”

He cannot contain his pleasure and confidence as he leaves Hux’s room and enters his own.

~

“Once upon a time there was a very pretty princess. She worked in the senate to help her home planet of Alderaan.”

“Where is the book?” Rey asks, looking up at Ben.

“Book? I know this story by heart,” he says, shifting so that Rey can snuggle closer to him. It’s a cold night in the tower. It’s raining outside, just enough to keep the chill in the air. Ben likes to come check on Rey on nights like this. She tells him that Master Luke always makes sure she has what she needs and when it gets really, really cold he takes her inside the school. What breaks Ben’s heart is that Rey tells him she is kept here to keep her safe. “Besides, it’s a story about my mother.”

“Your mother is a princess?” she asks excitedly.

“She was, now she’s a Senator.” Ben curls his arms tighter around the little girl. “Now do you want me to keep telling you the story?”

“Ben?”

“Yeah Rey?”

“My birthday is coming up soon. I’m going to be five,” she yawns, eyes closed. “Master Luke says he is going to get me a present.”

“Yes, kids get presents for their birthdays,” he says. He thinks for a moment about how lonely she must be, only seeing him and Master Luke. How badly he wants to confront his Uncle about this little girl locked up in the tower. “I promise I’ll bring you something very nice.”

“REALLY?” she sits up and wraps her arms around his neck. “I love you Ben!”

He sighs, wrapping his arms around the girl. “I love you too, Rey.”

She settles back in and he tells the fairy tale of how his mother met his father and a Jedi he called Gregor—for some reason he didn’t want Rey to know he is the nephew of Master Luke—and how Leia and Han fell in love. About halfway through the story, she’s sleeping soundly. Ben looks out the window at the drizzling rain and knows that he’s very late to meet Hux. They only have a few months left to plan and Snoke has given them a lot to consider. So much training and practice. He knows he is letting the Knights down, but he can’t bear the idea of letting this little girl go.

~

“POE!” Ben runs past Poe’s Daddy and into his bedroom. “I’m so sorry, so so sorry I broke your arm. Mommy says you can’t come play for a few days.”

“Ah, it’s alright,” Poe shakes his arm to show him, but his face is kinda tight. Ben thinks Poe is still hurt. “See? The machine fixed the bones inside, I just have to rest in bed.” He watches his father leave the room with a smile on his face.

“I will never EVER run in the hall again,” Ben says. He jumps onto Poe’s bed and curls up next to his new friend. He likes how warm the bed is. How warm Poe is. “I brought you a present. It was my idea but I had to ask my mommy and daddy to find it and my daddy said you would really like it.” Ben hands him the package, covered in drawings and pictures that Ben drew all by himself.

“Wow, this is so cool!” he says, taking the package. Ben is so happy that his friend likes it.

“Remember you told me that you’d punch me if I ever touched your books? That’s how I know you like them!” Ben says. He wants Poe to know that he pays attention to those things. He is five years old, not a baby. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t like hurting people. It feels bad.”

“Ah, it happens.” Poe opens the pages of the book. “It’s about the Battle of Endor! My mom and dad fought there,” Poe smiles, paging through it. He looks at the book like it’s the coolest thing in the world and Ben is so happy he could squeeze Poe, but it would probably hurt his arm. Poe is the first friend Ben has ever had ever in his life here and he is so happy Poe doesn’t hate him forever.

“Hey, do you want me to read it to you?” Poe asks.

Ben smiles and cuddles up tight next to Poe, listening to the stories of Endor and the Ewoks. Every few sentences he looks up into Poe’s soft eyes, who looks down at him and smiles. He feels so happy and safe here with his friend. He wishes he could stay here forever.

~

Ren sits and waits for Hux to deliver each stone, turning it to dust while he waits and watches. They don’t speak the entire day, nervously awaiting the test they both expect to come. It’s all Ren can do not to travel inside of Hux’s mind and soothe him. He can hear the tension in his breaths and see his shoulders tight, his walk even more rigid than usual. When the water bucket arrives, they both take turns drinking as quickly as possible, just trying to get the day over with. Hux continues to haul rocks and Ren continues to pulverize them. The work until the sun is nearly set before Hux speaks.

“That’s the last stone,” he says.

Ren opens his eyes to see one last stone sitting at Hux’s feet. He quickly turns it to dust before climbing off the rock. “What of the test?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know. However, the Supreme Leader must have something planned. Perhaps he means to nearly kill me this time.” He looks to Ren. “You will save me, right?”

“Absolutely.”

When the child returns, they follow it back to the citadel. Instead of going into the main hall to have the evening meal, the child leads them to the courtyard. Once they are in the middle, before the fountain, they are given an instruction.

“The Supreme Leader wishes you on your knees to await his message.”

Ren and Hux comply, kneeling before the fountain. Both rest their hands on their thighs, waiting for Snoke’s message. Looking over at Hux, he sees the child standing next to him. The child pulls a blade out of his sack. Ren cries out when he sees it, but it’s too late. The child slashes the blade across Hux’s throat.

“NO!” Ren screams, grabbing Hux as he falls forward. Hux holds his own throat but he’s already weakened by shock. Ren cups his face, coating his own hand with blood. “Brendol, no.”

“Heal him,” the child says. “This time I won’t. Either heal him or let him die.”

Ren instantly puts his hands around Hux’s throat and lets his mind go blank. He lets himself panic for just a breath before he empties his mind and finds the blank expanse again. There is finds Hux’s throat, wet and slick and smelling of iron. He begins to pour the Force, white light, out of himself and into the throat, watching as it closes and heals. Ren feels his body calling him out of the space, but he resists it. He needs to make sure he succeeded because Hux has only moments.

“R…Ren…” Hux croaks.

Opening his eyes, he finds them both covered with wet sticky blood. He knows he’s crying and shaking, holding a hand to Hux’s face. “No, no don’t do this,” he pleads to nobody.

“Ren,” Hux sits up. He feels around his neck to find that under all the blood, his throat is healed. “You, you did it.”

Spilling over with anger, Ren lets go of Hux and moves his hand in the air, throwing the child into the fountain. He holds his hand there, vision red and blurred, as the conduit’s face is under the water, sputtering and fighting against the Force. He hears Hux protesting but he doesn’t care what his General has to say. Ren’s heart is pounding as the child’s thrashing slows. He doesn’t stop until the child stills, body bobbing lifelessly in the fountain when Ren removes the Force and lets his arm fall back to his side. His entire body is spent and tired, but Hux is alive and that fucking _thing_ is not.

He turns to Hux and grabs him close, kissing him strongly. “I was afraid I was going to lose you,”

“I know,” Hux replies back, kissing him again. “I knew it was only a matter of time before you killed one of those children.”

“They are tools for Snoke, nothing more,” Ren says, resting his face in Hux’s hair and cupping his face with a blood-soaked hand.

“Here comes another now,” Hux says, parting from Ren.

Taking a cue from Hux, Ren’s hand leaves Hux’s face and he stands up straighter, looking to the conduit. “It is done,” he says, trying not to smile or hold his General.

“Very good, my young apprentice,” the child hisses. “I trust you were able to learn to use the white light in order to find the beginning.”

“I was,” he responds. Part of him is still scared, coated in Hux’s blood. He turns to Hux who, despite the grey cloth sack and the blood coating his body, has managed to stand proud and tall. Under the messy hair and dirt, his face is hard and disciplined.

“You had enough power left to destroy one of these slaves,” the conduit motions to the fountain. “But not to clean up the blood.”

“I perceived a threat to a very valuable asset to the First Order,” Ren says. “I felt eliminating the threat was of higher importance than cleanliness.”

“You were angry and spiteful,” the conduit spits. “But very well. You have learned this lesson. Tomorrow begins a new lesson, but tonight you may dine and bathe. Dismissed.”

Ren and Hux practically run out of the courtyard and towards their rooms. A child is waiting to guide them one by one to the shower room. Hux asks for the first, which Ren is all too happy to give. As he sits on the edge of his bed and considers what the next possible lesson could be, he fears for what Snoke will do to Hux next. After his own shower, Ren returns to his room and changes into the tan trousers and grey tunic the child provided. It reminds him of something Poe would have worn when they were younger, playing on the Falcon or running the halls.

He curls up on his side, under the sheet, and closes his eyes. He can picture Poe’s soft warm eyes staring back at him as he read him that story. He thinks back to Rey and how much love he felt for that little girl alone in the tower. No, he thinks to himself, he can’t go there. Poe Dameron is Ben’s past. Rey, that little girl anyway, is Ben’s past. This is just the dip into the Light Side bringing this up. Ren must learn to control how and when he lets that side in, and only for his benefit. He hopes this is the next lesson, because he cannot risk failing his General. Or himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About Hux’s first name: this is a companion fic to Worthy in which I wrote Hux’s first name months ago when at the time the fandom favorite seemed to be Brendol (even though now we know that’s his father’s name). Could I go back in time, I would name him Eoghan (Owen in Irish).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been in the hospital with a severe lung condition and a still undiagnosed internal issie. I waneed to let you know I have not abandoned this fic...just give me some time.
> 
> Thanks all!!!

I've been in the hospital with a severe lung condition and a still undiagnosed internal issie. I waneed to let you know I have not abandoned this fic...just give me some time.

Thanks all!!!


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